The Yard, Happy Farmer

When we moved into our house the land around it was not awesome. It was run down and sad looking. There was a lot of weeds and one big tree in the back yard off to the right hand side. In fact i have written about the pine tree that has been cut down and the wood is being being seasoned right now on the back porch. I was sad at first, the tree reminded me so much of Maine, but it was growing into our septic pipes (according to Shane, and what does he know anyway???) So down it came. It was fun for the boys etc, but i was sad. I keep hoping i am going to get something cool out of those planks of wood but i suppose i will have to wait a bit longer.

Shane and the boys have been working so hard on the yard. I cannot tell you how much work they have done. Within the last 3 months they have not only been working on the yard but we as a family have been working on my Mother in Laws house(we are still not done), doing Jakes Eagle project (another blog on that to come), an upcoming Scout Fundraiser (that has turned into something absolutely crazy), Makaylas Graduation, and a family camping trip. It has been absolutely insane and we havent even reached July yet. July will be even more crazy then maybe we can calm down and wait for a Baby Rigby to get here and spend some time with Brenda and her little.

So some photos of our yard at this point. This first photo is down the side of our house. We live on a corner lot and put in the irrigation this year as well. That took a chunk of money as well as some serious time. Shane and the boys got all of the irrigation together, finally and we are waiting for some parts of the pipes needed to get the water where we need it to go.

So far this is one of my favorites, i love that Shane takes the time to thank Heavenly Father for the blessing of our home, also asking for His help to guide them to do good work. I was glad to get this photo, makes me love him so much. My boys are such good boys. Was everything easy going? Was there no yelling? No way but i think it made a difference in the way they talked to each other while the machine was working. 

John and Jake learned how to use a laser level and make sure that Shane had all the elevations he needed while he was in the machine. 

We had some of the scouts come over and help to put in these rail road ties to create a good level yard. They all worked so hard and got paid some well deserved money for Scout Camp. They worked really hard, of course anyone who works with Shane works really hard. We even had a dad come so his boys could go to another service project, then the boys came back to work some more. It was a long hard day for them. 

There are also some rail road ties along the front of the yard by the road as well as that part will be a garden. 

The boys planted 7 fruit trees as well, 2 peach, 1 apricot, 2 apple, 2 cherry. Shane was so excited to get the fruit trees. He was literally brought almost to tears as he wanted those trees so badly. It was such a sweet moment. He has been so thrilled to have this yard come together. 

Of course when you have a machine you have to let the boys play a bit, they had a great time.

This is John playing

This is Jake playing

 In the end we have a beautiful yard that is ready to be planted with grass, veggies, fruit and whatever else we can find. I am hoping some rose bushes. I love rose bushes....or just ROSES..they will come in time.

the top photo is the end result of the strawberry planting. Shane loves strawberries, Jake has his rhubarb plants he is watering and bringing to life. Its an interesting group of people i live with. I suppose i need to get more photos in the coming months so everyone can all see...OH see the grass beyond the garden part, YES he planted grass for me, or the grandbaby...its going to be glorious. I am really bad at doing yard stuff and being helpful with anything, but i try. Then the boys are not that great at the inside things, but they try. Things are crazy but our house is becoming more and more of a home, and my farmer is happier and happier everyday. 

Crap, Sale, Photos

I dont know if you  know this but there is a new season of Sherlock on Netflix....I wouldnt mind if you stopped reading and went and watched it right now. Dont forget to come back though. Also, my house is full to the brim of CRAP...i am serious, CRAP. Ok i might be a bit dramatic but it feels like i cant move in here.

My father in law died late last summer and we are now cleaning out the house my in laws lived in. My mother in law(mil) has been living with my sister in law for the last 9 months. She has had some set backs, medically, which have really knocked her down. Finally she is ready to work through the 50 years of things she and her hubby had and figure out what to keep and what not to keep. I cannot imagine having to do that job. Just watching has made me realize stuff doesnt really mean that much at all. Seriously what are you going to do with a set of dishes you keep in a box and never take out? You cant take it with you, there is nothing tangible about it. Maybe there is if you are connected to it because you miss a person. Would must be why I keep a skirt and a shirt that was my mothers? Of course they are hidden away and i do not take them out much but when i do, my soul leaps just a bit to think of her love for me. Again though, 50 years of stuff...a lot of it is in my house. We have been selling most of the items from their house as there was not much money left for my mil to work with.

So flash forward to our house this week...my house is full to the brim inside and in the garage....BUT tomorrow is the sale and maybe life can get back to normal. I am glad we are able to help my mil out, she brings the children cereal and milk, they are happy. I have been thinking about how where we live affects how we feel and behave. I am not the best housekeeper by any means, I like my house to be comfy and cozy. At some point i would like to have cleaner rooms and heavens a clean toilet (and the part around the toilet, what is that about?) Someday, someday....I have been in many homes and all of them so different, i often wish i were a better decorator but I am not. So i deal with what i have and try to make it nice. Also, i dont like dusting....its horrible. With a wood stove in our house there is a fair amount of dust.

I have been taking photos lately. I made a promise to myself this year that i would take photos with me in them with the kids. So on Sundays at least 2 times a month i take one of all of us, then try to take random ones with the kids.....

Beginning of May 

I love it when my children all lay on their dad. He lays on the floor for his back and they all want to be beside him, even the dog. It makes my heart happy and full to know they still want to be with their dad.

Brenda comes over every once in a while and her tummy is so cute. She has about 11 weeks to go at this point and the kids are super excited. Every time she is over Jake is very careful with her and wants to touch her belly but rarely asks. I make sure he has a chance too. He is very excited to have this boy come. 

This one makes me chuckle...belly photo for all

Mid May photo...Shane was being weird...they all like to make faces. 

Then one of me and him..after 22 years it is nice to still hang out with him.

So how about you? Do you keep up with Sherlock...come on you know you are thinking about going to watch it...and your house do you keep the really important things, or more? And if you are a mom are you taking photos with your kids? I have been really bad at it but we have great technology now...do it...

My Mothers Day spiel

Its close to Mothers Day. I think of friends and family every year who struggle with this day. For those who struggle with this day I am with you. I have found some solace over the years as my children have come along and have grown up. Some people are struggling with the loss of a parent in different ways. One of my sweet friends is dealing with her mother slowly fading away to dementia, another friends mother died quite a few years ago and her loss is more than she can deal with some times, another friend has had a child that died as well as her mother and is feeling an insurmountable loss that cannot be filled, another friend cannot have children and feels the sorrow of not being a mother, yet another friend has a child who will no longer speak to her and its devastating to her....I suppose what i mean is that for some, mothers day is not a fabulous day.

How do we move forward, how do we find joy in mothers day when some of us struggle so much? As women we feel so much...we FEEL down deep to the edges of our souls. Our bodies are so profoundly affected by what we feel that we have to be careful to not allow it to TAKE over us. We need to find a boundary where we can find Joy in Motherhood (no matter how it comes).

I have to say as i look around at these wonderful women whom i spoke about earlier, they have all in some way found a way to reach out to me. Over the last 6 months I have struggled with some medical issues, as well as my other issues. Each one of the women i described earlier have in one way or another stepped out of their comfort zone and reached out to me to support me. I know they all think they are stuck in their situation, they may not even know they have affected me. They all have pulled me through the last 6 months. I think that is so commendable. Its so motherly, at a time when i needed mothering.

I suppose my idea of mothering has changed a bit over the years. I have found mothers in all of my girlfriends. I have found some solace in trying to be a friend/mother to others. Mothering is bieng loving, kind, charitable, understanding (even when i do not understand), having a listening ear (even when i am tired and overwhelmed) Giving of myself to others so I can bring their spirits up. It is sometimes difficult, but i have made an effort to be that way for others.

So to those Ladies who are out there who read this and are mothers to me...I love you. To my mothers sisters, L1, L2 and Susan I love you, I miss you, I am grateful to have a mother in you. For Margaret and Iris, i am grateful to have mothers in you, i miss you both, and have huge respect and love for you both. My cousins who reacts to my posts and make me smile, my heart is full.

To my fathers family, my love grows every year for the strength that came from your mother. I think of my Grammy Fernald often and remember her laugh and her ability to bring family together. My cousins who I know are there, Andreas photos make me long for home, but i know her love is there. Mari's sweet posts always make me smile.

My sweet adopted Mommy, she knows who she is, i cannot even put into words how i love her and her kindness. My attachment to her, is an attachment to my mother. I love her, she is an amazing woman with the heart of a saint.

To Sally who is a great step mother. Boy she didnt know what she was getting but her support and kindness through the years has helped me become a better mother.

My sisters are just as amazing (including my sisters in law and step sisters), they all give me support from afar. I am grateful that I have been so blessed to have such strong women in my life. I am more grateful that even though we are all so far apart we all have love and respect for each other that when something goes amiss we can call on one another.

I suppose what i am saying is that Mothers are everywhere, no matter where you are in your life, no matter how much you hurt, how deep your sorrow is, look around, take a moment.....LOOK...i bet you can find mothers everywhere who will take care of you. So throw it out there if you need it, if you need me, i am willing to step out of my comfort zone and be your friend/mother. I am willing to step out of my zone and love, support, guide, listen, understand, feel...whatever you need.

Do i miss my mother? Sure do, but i want to do what she would expect me to do...be a mother. I am sure there are so many other ladies out there who I didnt recognize by name, I try not to use names too much, but know that i am thinking about you. You are reading this because you know me and have touched my life, thank you for touching my life and helping me. I am trying to make this year better, to be stronger. I am trying to not feel so much that it disables me, but to have some area in my soul where i grieve still but dont let it take over. I want to use those feelings for good.

Going into the next year i will become a grandmother, will my thoughts on mothering change again? Maybe, in the mean time i will work on becoming better and not so consumed with me and focus on others....so if you think of me feel free to send me a message, i will probably need it a pick me up. To the others if you need me, let me know. Or you may receive a random message from me.

Happy Mothers Day to all the women who read this, you are all mothers.

Tulips, Bullets in the Wash, My Children

So it has been a while, mostly because my urge to write is not there, also because a lot of things have been going on: so here is a random dump of stuff

John went to his first Stake Dance(its a church dance for 14-18 year olds). He really enjoyed himself and had a great time. The few days before he worked outside with his dad and wasnt feeling that great. I noticed as well he had a nice cough. It was glorious. Either way he got dressed went to the dance with one of the other young men and had a great time because there was pizza. yes you read that correctly PIZZA, mostly all he could eat. Of course he said there were some nice looking girls but pizza overrode the pizza. He cant wait for the next one. He has a couple of older young men who drive and will take him so that is nice.

Oh the cough, within a day or 2 the boy had bronchitis and has been struggling ever since. Shane has been working hard on the yard and creating quite a beautiful place for us around here. The boys have been working with him day and night. I have fridays off so i have been trying to make sure to have some good food for them, they have been requesting pizza. I finally found a good recipe for home made pizza they enjoy and i am certainly grateful for the Dollar Store that is down the road. I can find everything from pizza sauce to pepperoni sadly no cheese. BUT the grocery is just across the street...Pizza for some reason is a running theme...with the boys.

I have these beautiful tulips in my front yard. they are right by the front of the house. I am not sure we are keeping them so i took some photos. They are a lovely bright red. I love looking at them. 

So one morning i left late for work and decided to hit McDonalds and get a breakfast sammie. I was sitting there and a duck just found a nice spot to sit, right next to me. I sat for as long as i could just watching and took a photo. It was a nice way to start the morning. 

Sometimes on my drive to work the sky is lovely. I am sometimes in awe of the beauty of the world, i have been trying to take more time to be more grateful for those things. 

My fridays are full of laundry, cooking and cleaning. Sometimes strange things come out of the washer. Often i find bullets in the laundry. Its interesting, i often wonder how many times bullets have gone through the laundry. Just goes to show how random my house. There are a ton of crazy things going on all the time. Lately the boys have been working with dad but also finding ways to really have a good time while doing it. He has worked them very hard. They both have been going strong for the last few weeks, Jake has been dealing with some allergies and John has been dealing with Bronchitis. It has been so rough. He just gets better then he hits a wall and he is down again.

On one of Johns most sick days his dad was there to give him a priesthood blessing. It was short sweet and to the point. It relieved some of Johns aches and pains, he seemed to take a few more days to recover but he is doing well now. There is a sweet peace in our home with the priesthood around. Knowing we can call on Heaven anytime we need and knowing that Heavenly Father will listen and answer is so comforting

. It certainly makes for a nice home. I am blessed to have 3 great priesthood holders in my home. More grateful to have my husband who works so hard to be the man he is. He works so hard at becoming better everyday. His evolution as a father, husband and a man is something which has been a pleasure to watch over the past 22 years. I love being with him more and more every year.

These are my other 2 priesthood holders who have worked so hard with their dad over the past few weeks on our yard. They are amazing strong unbelievable boys. They have hearts of gold, always thinking of their dad and making sure dad has all he needs. I am amazed at the grace and honor they give to their dad. I am so grateful they feel that way about him. Shanes dad was a hard man and his goal was to be different, he is accomplishing that. These boys will work just as hard, just as long as Shane does. Of course they are annoying teens, who smell sometimes and often get mouthy but in general they have a humility that surpasses other boys. I am their mother so i say these things cause i am...their mother, but i hear it often from others. On the day of this photo John was ill (again) and Jake was doing things to make him laugh, at 6:30 in the morning. Having kindness and love for one another is a good trait. 

Almost nightly Jake uses a massager to massage Shanes tired legs and back. He is a bit of a devil about it (sometimes he complains) but he does it till Shane falls asleep, while John makes sure his dad has clean socks, pants and a shirt for work the next day. Its the small things that make your kids kind and humble. They make my heart soft. The girls say the boys are my favorites, especially Jake, but they are not. They are all my favorite in different ways. Each one of the children have in some way made me a better person. As they grow and become better humans, i am blessed to know them. I would hope they are better than I, stronger than I, more humble than I. They already have stronger faith in God than I, Stronger testimony in God, Church, tithing, humility than I...

I hope someday to grow up and be like them,..my children...i have a long way to go.