Laura, Dreams, Uncle John

I have a friend who writes in a blog pretty regularly. As i write in mine i wish that others would write more, so i could have a little peak into their lives. I am always curious as to what is going with my brothers and sisters. I have found that my children are quite close and I am grateful for it. I am glad they want to be together and live close by. Most nights we cant get the children to leave our room and go to bed because they want to spend time with us. It is an interesting thing to be a part of. My husband does not remember that growing up. He remembers being told to go to bed and being expected to be in it. There wasnt a lot of love shown in his home growing up, that he remembers. I do have to say that he does not remember long stretches of his life due to illness, but what he does remember is not always nice and wonderful. I think for me it was intermittent. My mother was not much of a touchy feeley person, dad is to a point but i dont think I am. It creates some troubles for me know as i have to remember daily to be that way with my children. My step mother is more huggy and stuff so i deal with that the best i can. I think, dealing with childhood trauma (ie loosing a mother) creates sort of a weird way of showing emotion and stuff. There was much less discipline in my home and way way over the top in my husbands home. So we had to find a balance. Also the religious aspect of both of our homes was sometimes over zealous or just a part of life. There wasnt a great balance.

Shane and I have spent a lot of time talking about how to deal with our children as they have grown. I realized today as i sat in church how great my children are turning out. It has been a hard road for some of my kids. Some of them have a it a bit easier. Some will say that we shouldnt have had so many children, especially with all that i struggle with. I am sure that could be argued to the positive, at the same time i cant imagine life without one of those crazy beasts. We spent  a lot of years not having much at all, but what we did have was viewed as a blessing. I am sure there were those looking in who shook their heads and wondered what the hell we were doing. Again i realized today we have created 5 humans who are good, kind, loving, compassionate, love God, understanding, wild, crazy, smart....the list could go on. Do they have faults? i am sure they do but i try not to see them. I want them to find the joy in life.

Laura was at work the other night, one of her co-workers asked her what she was going to do with her life. She stated that she was going to go on a mission. This co-worker then berated her for making that decision. The co-worker then went to the boss and asked to never be scheduled with Laura, because she did not want to work with someone who "was wasting her life on something not real". Laura and I had been talking for quite a while about her compassion for others and often she is OVER compassionate. She feels too much, too long, too deep. Sometimes she has to let it go and realize that others make choices we are not going to like. After we talked about this co-worker her worry was that she would no longer have a job. I explained she can always find a new job, but standing for your convictions is a good thing. Interestingly, she is more upset and sad that this person will not be her friend, then she is worried about the job. I admire that, how many of us would not worry about our job, but worry about others around us? I know she is 16 (almost 17) and has all of life to be jaded but i want to hold that un-jaded view in my heart for a bit.

I have been having some very strange dreams lately that have to do with this jaded/unjaded feeling of life around me. One which is reoccurring is of me and my Uncle John. Its odd, when i was visiting last year in Scotland, it was like i had found a new person to be my friend. Something in him is admirable, kind, loving, understanding. I get why his lovely wife is so enamored with him. At the same time he is a bit of a rebel and i think and i am sure he saw that in me. (Often i wonder if my mum looks down on me and is happy that i have had the chance to spend time with John) Anyway, we are walking along some of the streets in Edinburgh. We stop into a pub and order food. There is a window we are looking out of and observing people walking by. He is explaining his life, his family, the history of where we are (he has quite a bit of knowledge), then he looks at me in the face and tells me of his love for me. Its odd because of the spot we are sitting in, but as i look around we are then at my brothers wedding and he has tears of love and kindness telling me how proud my mum is of me. How much my grandparents would have loved to see me at this age. That whatever struggle i have, he is there, always there...never leaving. In the end of the dream my aunts show up, and much laughter ensues (Susan talking fast, L1 and L2 taking photos and explaining everything) Ron is there calm and quiet and putting in a line or 2 of humor, but my mother is missing. They are all happy with just a hint of sadness...is this because I am on his mind. Scotland is 7 hours a head of us, so i like to think he is thinking of me while i am sleeping and so it shows in my dreams. Often, i awake and look at those photos i have of my aunts and uncles and thank Heaven and mum I have them.

The other dream i have is more ominous. I am walking down the middle of the street, its dark, my children are behind me, Shane is ahead of me. On one side of the road its so dark, pitch black almost, like bombs have gone off, people are hurt and looking for solace, but there is none to give. On the other side of us, are nice houses, cars, money places to hide safety, but we are stuck in the middle of the road. There is light all around us, we have what we need, we are safe as long as we stay walking in the road, there are people ahead of us and behind us, Brenda and Skyler are with us with their children, but we are all attached. I always wake up from this dream as we enter a beautiful garden where there is shelter, cool water, food, peace. The housing are simple tents with wood stoves in them we have all we need. Sure its not a big house, there are no fancy cars, in fact no cars at all, just wagons and horses ( think simplicity ). Our family is safe, but the looming darkness is always there, we can leave if we want, to the big houses, the nice cars. When i open my bag i am carrying i see the photos of my family, my mother, father, step mother, aunts uncles (on dad/mums side) grandparents, i realize i am safe. Yet i want to go to the darkness, its a never ending battle, turmoil in my soul, I struggle in the dream and there is never and end.

Faith is something i depend on to make it through my everyday life. I am not someone who likes much touching, hugging whatever i had to explain that to someone the other day and give her an explanation of why. That was hard for me. I was grateful she understood, she was kind and made me realize that I am ok, day to day i am ok. I think we all struggle with something. It can be anything, Weight, Food, Drugs, Alcohol, Money, Feelings of Inadequacy, Learning Disabilities....the list goes on, but if we have some sort of  faith in something, God, ourselves, whatever, that you can overcome...then why cant you overcome?  These dreams, can i overcome? Can i find the peace i need? Sure i can, just takes some times, some great memories, and faith to know that i am a daughter of good parents and of God and He will guide me through. So i think back on my Uncle John, rebellious but through the years strong kind loving understanding. I know that no matter where i am in the world I am thought of....and its GLORIOUS, the turmoil stops for just a moment.

This is my sister Sarah and my Uncle John (looking smashing) at my brothers wedding

Robins, Brown eyes, Grateful

Round about the end of January I came out after work and there were about 10-12 robins just hanging out in one of the trees at the front of the building. The day was dreary and overcast the snow had piled up so high on the sidewalks and in the lot that it seemed there was no end the the sadness of winter. But there were the robins. Just hanging in the tree, singing and scavenging for food. Some of the trees and bushes by the building i work in have fruit and the birds were chowing down. I stood there and watched for a bit, in wonder at the creations of the earth. The photos arent that fabulous but trust me i was so happy to see the end of winter was coming. The moon had changed a few days before and the smell in the air was different. Spring is coming.

When Jake was born i was so excited for a couple of reasons. 1. was that i was DONE having children. 2. after a few days i realized this boy had the most beautiful brown eyes. Every once in a while he indulges me and lets me take a photo of his eye(s). His dad thinks i favor him but really i just enjoy him. That kid makes everyone laugh, gives me love when he sees i am down, has an intuition about others in need. He is kind. Not sure where he came from but he is amazing. I mean seriously look at that eye?!

Some of my favorite food is Cabbage, carrots, and RED potatoes. I love red potatoes. The hubs went and bought some as he knew i was missing my New England food. I miss fresh seafood, boiled dinner, cake donuts from JJ Nissen. (this is a shout out to anyone who wants to send some along). Just miss the food. Maybe because its all comfort but either way, the dinnah above was so glorious i had to take a photo to remember. Just missing the turnip....

There has been tons of illness in our house over the last month. John has had pneumonia 2 times, Jake and Laura had bacterial bronchitis, I had pneumonia and Makayla topped it off with a double ear infection. It has taken about a solid month to get all of the illness out of the house (not to mention all of the visits to urgent care). Brenda and Skyler had a flu which has not been good for her as she has been so sick with her pregnancy. She is finally at about 17 weeks or so and can keep food down without feeling sick so now she is eating quite a bit. Skyler is making sure she eats whatever she wants as she lost about 25 lbs in the first 16 weeks. She isnt even showing yet really just a tiny belly but she wont let me post any photos yet. Skyler says yes so its something we will have to work on. 

I posted this as my Valentines day post. I love how it turned out. My funny family. I love them all. They make me smile, cry, yell, scream, feel joy....love them. 

Took this photo the other day on the way to work. The weather is turning, the morning sky is beautiful, my ride to work is full of the morning sunrise over the Rocky Mountains. Its lovely. Kind of serene. I try to listen to something soft and calming in the morning so I am ready for the day. 

I have been working on being calmer, thoughtful, kinder...would i say its working? No, but i am working on it. Work has been easier to deal with, my mates around me are amazing and so kind to me, even when i dont deserve it. They smile when i need it and give me strength. My kiddos are fabulous and kind always supportive and understanding. My husband is one of the best guys a girl could ask for. He is very busy working under tons of stress but always finds time to pay attention to me and love me. I am grateful....i need to write more so i remember how grateful i am...what makes you grateful?

An apology

Throwing out apologies is not my forte, but i am going to. Let me say first this is my blog. If you, the reader, take anything i write personally that is on you. At the same time, I have to be more careful of what i say and when. I am trying to become a better stronger person. Its not working as well as I had hoped but then i am a work in process.

I know my post was rude inconsiderate and unkind, but i felt and feel that i have to always defend myself. I have felt this way for many years. Since i decided to stay a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. None of my siblings are practicing members anymore (or members at all). I am totally cool with whatever their choice is for religion or life for that matter. As the oldest daughter who went through quite a bit of trial between the ages of 18-20 I would say, my siblings are the ones who supported me and walked me through the processes needed to come out on the other side a better person. I know without them I would not have made it.

All that being said, i am sorry for being inconsiderate, unkind, not thoughtful enough...whatever it is. I had to gain some ground in my life. I think it is something we all do. Sometimes the thought provoking processes we have break us down to our core and we have to build ourselves back up. We have to set new ground rules, new parameters for ourselves to work with. I work with a lady at work who has struggled with severe depression in the last few years. So much more that she has had to be put in the hospital for it. She is keen on figuring out if i am struggling or need a hello from her. Funny how those of us who suffer can really connect. A day or so after my last post i was really struggling to make sense of my stupidity and explained what the ramifications were of my actions. She kindly listened and then took the time to really talk back to me about how i could make things be a bit smoother. She gave me kind words. Understanding, she is no longer a member of the church either and has huge discrepancies with the church. I am totally ok with all of her views, I was grateful she could give me others point of view without anger.

I also talked to my hubs about it. He of course is very protective of me and found that i gained strength from getting out my views. At the same time he encouraged me to be open to those whom i may have hurt and take the information in from them and work on relationships. I have done that. I have found that I am strengthened and have gained more strength from being open with how i feel about things.

Working through depression, anxiety, motherhood, sisterhood whatever -hood i am in is hard. I want to be and do the best i can. Finding ways to be happy and strong is what i am working on. Always on a finding path. I think that is what life is about. I suppose i will hurt someone again, if i do i am sorry, i am still a work in progress...still...

For my siblings I cant tell you how much i love all of you. Spouses(significant others) come and go (sometimes) but i have found my siblings have always been there. Well except for the one who decided to take a drive off the road. Either way my love for them abounds, more than i can say. Even when i screw it up, they still love me.

Glorious Christmas Present

I was given an amazing gift for Christmas. I look at it everyday. I was surprised by the gift and so glad i have it hanging in my house.  My girls got a hold of my Aunts L1 and L2 to get me a collage of my mother at different times of her life. I have been thinking lately about how wonderful it would be to have my mother here. How much i miss her. Probably in a different way every year. This year its more tender to me. I love my mums, brothers and sisters. I realize what kind of person I am from them. I get so much from them as well as from my fathers side. Lets be honest there is a bit of crazy from both sides...ok  A LOT of crazy from both sides...different crazy but crazy that makes me fun.

Here is the gift....My Mum...I had my daughter email the collage to me so i can send it to my siblings so they can have one on their wall if the choose as well. (no worries guys i will just behind right now)

I see my siblings in her so so much. I love to see that smile on her face in the lower corner. I remember that smile, i dont remember much but that i do...

What a joy to see her, when we moved to the house we are in now i lost one of my favorite possessions she made for me as well as a photo of her and my dad before she got sick. So this is what i have now, it is glorious....I will see her again. Right now she is with my grandchild just nurturing and getting ready to send that precious baby to my baby and her husband. She is loving my brother with all that she is. Watching over me on the days i cannot watch over myself...She is my angel and frankly i cannot wait until that day when i get to see her. Until she can be with her siblings again and raise some hell (can you say that about heaven?). I bet they cant wait either....I am so humbled to be her daughter and that my dad had enough sense to marry her (ya i said it) Also that he had enough sense to change their lives and join a church that unites us forever...thanks dad (sorry thats about all your gonna get from me on that..ever <3) 

What a glorious life...My baby is having a baby lets see if that little looks like my mum when that ones comes....

Lesson, Depression, Sun

Sunday i gave a lesson on the Word of Wisdom...It didnt turn out quite as I wanted it too. I shall explain. First of all i give a lesson once a month to the women of my ward. For about 30-40 minutes i am given a topic and I try to teach people about it. Sometimes i am successful sometimes not so much. Usually i have a manual i work out of, but my girlfriend needed me to step in for her. So the lesson came from the last General Conference of the Church in October. The talk i had to use was from the Priesthood session and was by our Prophet Thomas Monson. It was called Principals and Promises here is the link to the talk he gave you can read it if you wish.  Also at that link you can listen to him give the talk. Its not very long, the short of it states that we have the ability to call on Heavenly Father when we feel like we are at our last drop of strength and He will help. As long as we are doing our part to take care of ourselves we can be given what we need. Whether it be physical strength or spiritual.

Let me preface by saying that i stayed home on the last snow day and laid in bed until 11am. Brenda had come over and i had it out with a couple of my children, i had it with everything. I have found that i am tired of fighting with members of my family who discard my feelings for their own, or downplay the importance of the way my children feel about the gospel, or how my family practices religiously, or how i feel politically. Frankly its not all about you and  your feelings. Also this winter has been one of the worst on record as far as snowfall and darkness. I do not deal well with that. I was so glad when we moved to Boise that there was way more sun during the winter. The sun here is brighter lovelier for some reason. I took a lot of my feelings out on my children that day and it created a terrible mood in our home. I didnt want to get up that day, it wasnt until my 12 year old came into my room and pulled me out of bed and put me in the shower that i realized what a depression i was in. MY 12 YEAR OLD. I am a soon to be grandmother, a mother, a wife....my husband had been trying to help me for weeks.I was so ashamed...and vowed to make it different...but that pull out of depression is hard. I quietly asked the Lord for a reprieve...a phone call from my friend Cindy to teach her lesson was the reprieve.

Let me tell you listening to someone you admire, reverence and adore will bring you to a place in your heart that has a little light and you know you can get out...I didnt think i could It has been years since i felt this down. Years since i couldnt get out of bed in the darkness that is depression. I decided that night that I am a member of the Church and I love it. Also i have to let my dad take the sadness i had been feeling for so long about my disagreements with siblings. (dont worry i have discussed this with my dad, I am allowed to talk about it and he doesnt mind) I am not going to be a whipping girl anymore for those who are angry at GOD. Its not Gods fault my mother died or my brother or one of my sweet children before they could grow into a full infant. The sorrow and crap we have is not any ones fault its the way life is. We someday have to make choices and decisions and be responsible for those choices. Life is full of happiness and sadness blaming people is a hard thing. Life is a take or leave it thing. I dont think i want to leave it yet.

The political climate of today has created a breed of people who do not have accountability for their actions. Children are not disciplined. Too many of them tell their parents what to do instead of the other way around. Life doesnt make you feel good all of the time there is disappointment and sadness i would rather they deal with it from me and lots of discussion then from others in the world. The moral nature of people is gone. My daughter stated that she disagreed that nakedness was so widely approved of in return she was told its a womans body let her do what she wants. I am not sure that is the case. The case is that SEX sells so a naked body sells products. Naked male bodies sell products as well.

Also i would like to say, I am not a Feminist and will not be in the sense of the ridiculousness of todays world. I know of my femininity and am so proud of it. I dont need a man to make me better, i WANT a man to make me better. I WANT him to be with me ONE with me in all purposes. I WANT him to guide my family and be in charge and make decisions the tough hard decisions. I WANT to have him by my side for eternity. Does that make me less of a woman with no control over her body? I dont think so, it makes me MORE in control. I love him being my man. I LOVE being his woman....the woman who some days cannot get out of bed. He loves me anyway. He gently reminds me daily what a precious and glorious daughter of God i am, that i AM important. That I AM worth EVERYTHING. That even though my body betrays me, my mind betrays me, and sometimes my soul betrays me I AM the most IMPORTANT person in the world to him. I DO NOT need approval from anyone anymore except him and my Heavenly Father.

My lesson turned into a lesson for me to realize that in front of a group of women i could be humbled enough to tell them that I NEEDED my husband to plan the lesson because i physically and mentally could not. I needed that lesson to push me over the edge of the ship to help me out of this depression that had a hold on me, The chains that bind me are still there...slowly they are falling away, it will be a while before they do. But tonight on the ride home the sun came out. The snow had stopped and the sun came out, i smiled for the first time in 3 weeks, a genuine smile where my heart skipped a bit of a beat.

Christmas, Baby News

I have been waiting to make the post about Christmas at our house. One of the main reasons is that we all knew Brenda was expecting and I didnt want to let it out. She asked me not to say anything until she was comfortable so I had to keep quiet. Alas, that is why the blogging stopped for a bit. I was excited but a bit apprehensive about becoming a grandmother. Pregnancy for me was not fun, it was uncomfortable to say the least. In any case, here is my Christmas to now blog.

We have a tradition in our family on Christmas Eve the kids get to go to the store and pick out something they want to eat and we sit down and eat it. This tradition started mostly because we did not have much money to begin with. So one year we gave each kid $5 at the store and said get what you want. It had to be enough to share with everyone. Then we would come home prepare it, eat and watch Christmas movies. Every year as been different, one year was all cereal, one year was all snack foods, one year was all chinese food...you get the picture. So this year because we have Skyler added to our family the decision was made we would still do the food thing but we would open gifts for the married couple on that night so on Christmas they can do as they wish and do not feel like they need to be at our house. Shane and I dont want our married children to feel like they have to visit us on Christmas if they dont want too. It should be a day for their family. So we decided a long time ago to make different arrangements.

Needless to say we drew names a few weeks before. Everyone put their name in a hat and we got who we got. Then Shane and I would do stockings for everyone and that would be Christmas for us with the married children. I cant remember who got whom all i know is Jakob got Brenda, that is important to remember.....

On to food...Skyler went to Italy on his mission so he made us this delicious lasagna...i could have eaten it for days and days....there was a half a pan left at the end, apparently he ate the rest the next day. If you have never had real Italian food i highly recommend it. Skyler is an amazing cook, good thing cause Brenda leaves something to be desired..just kidding Brenda, you are okay (sort of)

We had egg rolls, burritos, taquitos as well this year. But the lasagna...yummm delicious. Another reason to love Skyler 

Then we sat down and watched National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. Shane is not one for most Christmas movies. The kids would have loved to watch Elf but Shane WILL NOT watch that one. They watch it when dad isnt around. It was nice to just lay around watch a movie and enjoy time. 

I am the one who does all of the stocking stuff every year. This year I asked Shane to help me out. I didnt want to do it all myself. So we came up with a plan. We went to WinCo and went to the candy buckets and got each kid a pound or so of the kind of candy they like. Then Shane went to our favorite place to get pepperoni and bought enough for everyone to get a pound or so. We also made a big batch of hot chocolate mix so Brenda and Sky could take it home and have some and so the kids could have some here. Stockings were fun this year. We decided for the married kids a visa gift card would suffice as they could use it for whatever was needed, whenever they needed it. It seems like a good thing for them. I constantly surprised at how my kids are so low key. They were just so excited to have candy. On the same day Shane and I went for the candy we stopped at Costco and i found a box of Belgian Chocolate, we bought those as well and we sat around and shared them on Christmas. it was awesome. 

I know John got Sky and this gift was in the fridge for a week....Ferrero Rocher, apparently Sky was happy....Brenda hands off.

And Jake got Brenda...he got her some baby blankets, they had to be soft Jake said and some socks with monsters on them. 

As a side note on Jake buying Brendas gift. We went to Walmart to look around and Jake took his time buying just the right ones. He really wanted to make sure they were perfect. It was really sweet. i told him the baby is going to be born in August so he needed something that was light and easy that she could use. The blankets are green with little giraffes on them (I think) and they are the ones you use for burp cloths or wrapping the baby or whatever...The socks were just the icing on the cake. He saw them and couldnt resists. Now our limit on the buying of gifts is 10$ or so, but he went over. He wanted perfection. It was sweet. And you can see from Brendas face she was really happy. There may have been a tear from one or the other at some point. Skyler is a quiet guy and doesnt always show emotion but he was all smiles when those gifts came out. 

Jakes gift was a car to paint and put together

Makayla got a necklace which is lovely I think Skyler got her name

I had Laura and she really just wanted make up so make up she got

Dad got John and the running joke is Homney...When John acts up or is a smart mouth he has to eat it, he is NOT a fan, so he got Homney and then dad got him some stuff he likes...SPAM of course...

Makayla had dad and she wrapped his up quite well...it took a while to unwrap but slippers were the prize. it was fun to watch. 

Shane thought it would be funny to booby trap Brenda and Skylers stocking...just watch it, enjoy...she is a funny girl. The best part is hearing Skyler laugh. 

Over all it was a fun Christmas. The next day we got up and just opened gifts which were very minimal this year and enjoyed our time as a family. It was nice to be together. They all got about 1 or 2 gifts a piece and it was nice. 

Our sweet friend Darla gave these blankets to the kids. They have them everywhere they go now. I swear they are on them all the time. I love it. They always have some comment about how much Darla and Michael love them. What a glorious gift to have from them for the children.

Our tree before....

About a week after Christmas their Grandma Henrie gave them gift of cereal. They were so excited. It was a great gift for them. They got together extra money and bought extra milk so they could pig out during vacation on cereal. It was a tough vacation as well with lots of snow and cold weather. Cereal made all the difference. 

Shane and I were discussing the simplicity of our Christmas and how nice it was. It was great to have the day with Brenda and Skyler to talk about the baby coming. My kids are so excited to become aunts and uncles. It is going to be a wonderful time this year. We have a lot to look forward too and there is much excitement in the air about our new addition. I am still up in the air about what i want to be called. I DO NOT like Grandma or Grammy. I also am not a fan of Nana. A friend said i should go Mo... i am thinking on that one. It is a nickname that many have called me over the years. Only one person out here in Idaho calls me that but it hasnt caught on with anyone else. People in Maine have called me that for years. Sometimes some of my siblings call me that as well. Shane well the running joke is he is going to be Grand-pappy...John calls him pappy and has for a long time. When we heard of Brendas pregnancy Grand-pappy became a running joke. 

As for Brenda she is doing well. I worry but i am the mother. I dont have any feedback from my mother about her pregnancies, i went to another source for help but was quickly shut down. I have to stand firm in the fact that I know my mother is watching over her and helping her, just like she helped me through my pregnancies. Its going to be good, in the end its going to be great.....

Snow Snow and More Snow

I wasnt going to post anything for a while cause i didnt have anything to write about then it started snowing. In all of the years i have lived in the Boise Valley we have never seen this much snow. I feel like i am stuck in my house in New England again watching the world grow more silent with each passing day.  This kind of snow really makes life difficult for me. A good thing is that i have a job this time. I work, I have to get up, I have to get in the shower, get ready, make my lunch, eat a breakfast, go to work and interact with people. I am forced to do things i never had to do when i had children and was at home. I think it has been easier for me this time. I dont depend on my phone, calling people just to have human interaction. I am excited to talk to Shane, to have my kids around.

Leading up to this snow, i have a car that does not have the greatest heat. It is an old car and is dependable but the heater in it is tepid, ya that is a good word. Tepid make for super freaking cold if you are driving in below zero weather. I hadnt told many people at work until the other day and word got around. I am pretty sure i shouldnt have said anything at all. In any case i have some nice ladies who will be getting me to work for the next week until the temps get a bit warmer. Of course everyone here is from here and they are all freezing anyway. I have taken out my coat, but only on the below zero days. All of the other days i have a long sleeve shirt and a sweater and it seems to work well for me. Oh i also have my swanky bright pink and black fingerless gloves which are my pride and joy. they have the awesome glove parts that come over your fingers when you are driving. Love those damned things.

In any case, ride to work will be nice. Having the temps warmer will help, but 2 feet of snow? not so cool. I have taken some cool photos over the past week or so.

This was the time Shane decided to cut the tree down in the back yard. The tree i love and look at from my window every morning. Shane was worried about it growing over the neighbors fence. So he got the boys up and they decided to get it cut down.  

That day it was in the minus temperatures and the boys were not excited but they had a great time using the chainsaws as usual. They are good kids to work in such weather. (by the way notice the chairs you cant see them anymore in the back yard)

I had to go to the church to do a Boy Scout merit badge class with some boys was noticing the icicles. Well they are everywhere now and if people knew better they would get them off their houses at this point...ice dams are NOT your friend.

Then the snow came along a few days later and dint want to stop...hideous blowing snow, in your eyes stinging your face cry to the LORD for it to stop snow. 

This was me driving home from work couldnt see anything....stupid, btw no plows in Idaho or ability to know how to properly plow the roads...whatever.

Front of the Henrie Homestead after the snow...well at the end...still snow in the air

one of the boys shoveling out the driveway.

down the side of our house

Todays view from the front window....

My boys and Shane had to dispose of an American Flag as he found one on the floor of the guard house at work. Apparently the guard there didnt know how to take care of the flag properly and there was a bit of a ruckus about the flag laying in a pile on the floor. Shane brought it home, he and the boys had a bit of a fire going in the yard to get rid of some stuff, during the storm, and they disposed of the flag. It was nice to see. 

My boys and the catch of the day...monster icicle. 

end of the day snow....We have quite a bit of snow. There has been quite the freak out here. There is not enough supplies or money to have the removal done. Meridian and Boise had to call a State of Emergency to have the National Guard come out and help clean up. I was driving to work and a plow truck was in front of me. I was so happy. Of course i drove around after i laid on my horn to make the dude in front of me go by him. people are silly. 

I have trouble in the winter. Although the snow is beautiful and my house is warm and snugly i just want to stay in bed and not come out. This is a sign of depression and seasonal affective disorder. SAD is not a good thing. Makes life hard, your mood is never that great, its hard. I want to eat food but then i dont cause i dont want to gain weight. I want to stay in bed, but i cant i work. Life is a struggle for me anyway but more of a struggle to get up every day. I have to remember to go outside during the day so I get some sunshine. Vitamin D is our friend those of us who suffer with this. I work in side all day, so i have to remember there is sun out there...when its not snowing. 

Speaking of work, i went to my bosses the other day and asked for more work. I suppose i have written about how i get bored easily. Well they made it so i now have quite a bit more access to things and am working hand in hand with some other groups to help with their issues. It is quite freeing. I am so glad to be able to have the autonomy to really work harder and grow. I love the challenge of what i am doing as well as helping others. I think its fulfilling to help others, to be of service as well as learning at the same time. Kind of a cool thing to be a part of. 

I think this winter is one of much learning and change for me. I have some other stuff to write about but nothing i want to chat about now. There is so much going on in my head that i cannot really filter it out or have it make sense right now. So i will keep thinking on it until i can....Until then what about your yard? Is it full of snow? how are you coping?