Been a while, sorry

Hi there its been a long time. Sometimes I find myself caught up in the life and forget. There is much to say and write about, however i am not sure where to begin.

Ever wonder what your purpose is? I think our purpose changes through out our lives. I think the only constant is knowing I am working my way back to Heavenly Father. There was a time that my purpose was to be a mother. To give birth, nurture and bring them up as good humans. Then the time when my purpose was to learn all that I could to bet educated, to support my family. Now I am in a place where my purpose is to work in corporate world for retirement. Though all of that getting back to Heaven is my goal. I realize I can only take myself. So I am working on that. I say all of this cause I have often wondered what my dreams are. What do I really want in this life? What are my hobbies? I used to read, but I have yet to pick up a book in a long while....WAIT that is not true. I have been reading the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon currently on book 6. Great adventure, love story. Some parts are slow but generally its a great book. 

Back to my dreams...not sure i have many. Shane has always wanted a farm, a little place to call his own and raise some animals. I sort of like where i am right now, just hanging out, working,enjoying time with my family. So maybe dreams come along when they are supposed to, when you are least expecting it? Well i am on the train waiting for that moment to come. 

In the mean time...family life keeps on. The world keeps on even if we dont go anywhere and are in quarantine. I am trying to figure out why I stopped blogging...looking back through photos I really stopped around the time of the death of one of my boys friends. That is a shame because so many fun things have happened in this year. So get ready for a new bunch of photos. 

One of the biggest surprises of the summer was this little girl who decided now is the time to join her big brothers. She is due to arrive in May 2021 and I am excited. Little girls are amazing, I mean I have 3. They seem to have grown into wonderful young women as well soooo, here's to Brendas little family finding joy in new life. (I tell her often I am so glad she is doing this but I would never...again, she understands)

At the beginning of this year we had to return Oak to the original owner. Oak is a hunting dog and the boys were not in the right place to really invest the time she would have needed. So in return Shane found this little girl. Meet Ruth, she is a Mastiff and will be huge when she is done growing. 

This is Ruth a month or so ago and is still growing, please excuse the messy door it leads to the garage. I will keep positing photos so we can see her grow.

She is Jake's dog for sure. She loves him, she really loves John as well so we shall see what happens when John leaves. It will be an adjustment for everyone...

Jake and Ruth napping on the floor. She is a good dog but really frustrating to me. I really try to work with her a lot but its tough. 

I was sent home from work in March sometime. Working from home should be great right? It was a tough ride for me. Sitting at my kitchen table for months was not the most ideal. I have found that I am a social person. I need to be around my co-workers, it helps me be a better employee. We started a new platform this year at work and it was a tough ride. I realized my tough spot too late. Trust me there is nothing more humbling then going to your boss and apologizing for my work, apologizing for not being the best I could be. I have to say my boss is super gracious and very helpful to guide me back. I have been working my hardest to get myself back to where I was before the quarantine. Although I had more time with my family, I lost myself again. I have found it happens when I cannot separate motherhood from work and vice versa. Learning curves for sure. It also does not help that the people I work with I am old enough to be their mother. This is a fault I have to work with. What about you other moms who work? What do you do to make sure you make a clear separation? I think too, I also have a tendency to compare myself to others, that is a terrible fault. I have super smart siblings, I know they are smarter than me by a million times, so I have always been a bit wary of myself and go down a rabbit hole. It also does not help that almost every job I have been at, I am passed over, every. Single. Time. I need to learn to be happy where I sit. At one point I reached out to someone to just help me along. I do not do that very often, or ever, but I did. I am so glad that I did. I found a new friend who always answers me and gives me encouragement. This is not to say that other friends do not help, as I look back I can see where I have been encouraged to move on, keep going...it has been humbling. 

Shane on the left, John on the right. I knew there would be a day when John would grow, but to be the same size as Shane??? never in the world did I think this would happen....now he is getting ready to leave :(

Shane shaved this summer as he got a new job working for Simplot as well. There is a potato factory in Caldwell, he works there. It has been great to have him feel confident in his work. We shall see what will happen with this job. We decided that he would work where ever he wants too. Our hope is to have our house paid off by the time Jake leaves on his mission. So a good job for him is helpful. 

Jake is 16 now but still takes the time to be with dad. Every night never fail, he comes in to talk to Shane and lay down with him. Someday these moments will be gone, I am glad I got a photo. 

Jeremiah has grown so much this year. He is just barely walking and starting to babble. He is so delicious.

At one point this year Brenda's family was over, John hugged her...John often forgets how big he is. At this point in the photo, she was telling him to stop...He can crack my back by hugging me. He is one tough boy.

I suppose that is enough for now. I am still working on why I stopped blogging. I know a lot of it is because this year has been so hard for me. I am working on myself in the hopes of getting back to a good spot. This is hard for me, however I know its needed. I am also still looking for my purpose, what am I doing? What will I be doing in the future? There are so many options, but for now I sort of like where I am. I know we can all do better, the point is to keep trying and moving forward to become better. So if you know me, let me know what you do? How do you find your purpose? How did you get to where you are? Do you compare yourself to others and then defeat yourself? Just know you are not alone, I am right there with you on the journey....Good thing I have a good husband who encourages me to be more....

Jeremiah Orion Rigby has arrived....

It seems that I am always behind on posting photos or uploads of what is going on. It seems our life is super busy and when i have some down time I am too tired to do anything. Because the new year is here I am amazed at how fast time is moving for me. This last year was a whirl wind really...Shane and I lost our jobs, Shane found new job, I found a temp job, we got a puppy(that frustrates me), my new job hired me full time AND gave me a raise, our girl gave us another sweet boy, a bison harvest with various animal parts around and finally Scouts, scouts, Scouts....For this blog lets just focus on our new addition Jeremiah....

Lets start with the best part of the year, Jeremiah Orion Rigby made an appearance on October 20 around 9 am. Jake was so hoping he would be born on his birthday, however instead sweet peanut was born on his Great-Aunt Sarah's birthday (haha she is a great aunt...makes me chuckle every time). Brenda contacted us the evening before and said she had to get to the hospital, the laboring was not too long and she said it wasnt too difficult for her...epidurals are her friend. Hell epidurals are friendly with anyone really. Gratefully mumma and boy were good...OH and Skyler was good also. Skyler is one of the most amazing people, he is kind, understanding, driven, loving, talented...i suppose i cant say enough about him. He makes Brenda a better person and he is a great dad. He is very busy he works full time and he is doing all the schooling to prepare for medical school. 

Here is Grandpappy with his new grandie...He looks so little compared to his burly grandpappy.

Brenda and I have decided Jeremiah has a few Fernald attributes...Peanut certainly has quite the grumpy face. (see next photo)

yawning and tired, eating is hard work.

 Brenda has a sweet friend who takes amazing photos. Kristy Bell Photography, she is very good at what she does. She took photos of Axel after he was born as well.  Check these out....

(eh, hem, Fernald face)

cant forget this cutie...Mr Axel Hugh being himself....

both together...

Sky is a great daddy...look at that baby mouth....

looking great...such photogenic people (sort of makes me sick :))

 here is my baby with her baby its so strange to me, she certainly isnt old enough. It seems as though she was just getting married....no just learning to drive.....just learning to read, walk, talk...she is my girl.

Jeremiah was only a few weeks old and found a comfy place on grandpappy

he is a tough one holding his head up already

Jake got to visit Jeremiah when he had just come home from the hospital. He is so little next to his uncle.

Jeremiah was 2 weeks(ish) in this photo 

Jeremiah was only a few days old when we took this photo, Heather (England cousin) sent the idea along to us, I think it turned out amazing really.

Of course i have so many more...but for now this is photo overload and i am going to stop.

With all of the excitement of the year, i sort of forgot about myself again. Its easy to loose yourself in the crazy of life...because of that i am paying the consequences. I have to get working on myself again, i stopped going to the gym, threw myself into work and ignored my body telling me that it needed attention that was healthy. I figured it out when i was sobbing one day on Shane and he said....this needs to end, get yourself back to the gym, get yourself up and moving....so that is what I am doing. Of course when i did that i got hideously ill. That is the awesome part of ignoring yourself, when you try to get it together you get sick, cause your body says enough. I say this because i am trying to be more open about my struggles with depression. I dont really like too but funny i have found people at my job who struggle with the same issues. The team i am on had a stand up meeting in October, with a friend we discussed mental health and how to see the signs. We gave a few options of how to work with others and bring smiles to each other. Surprisingly people were open and thanked me for the information. Some of these people come by my desk just for a smile or to make me smile. How do you help others to find joy and happiness in the down times? I find funny things to say, i tell people about my family and the crazy things we do. I often text my girls who readily text back with open and honest opinions. I also know if i dont hear from one of my girls within a day or 2 i reach out to them to make sure they are on the up and up and sometimes they arent, we then plan to get together to recharge.

So is there someone you know who you could reach out too and give support, love, understanding? I often get Face Book and Instagram positive vibes and comments. You would be surprised what the little heart emoji can do for me....It makes me aware that people see me....i am worthy....i am important....i am valued.....

Go and value someone today...<3 <3 :) (emojis are the best)

Hunting with Pappy, Blankets, Calm

So much has happened in the past few months, how and where to start? First off Axel went hunting with Grandpappy and this is the result.

This one by far my favorite photo. I love the sky....well I love everything about it. 

Bird hunting with Grandpappy is the best time in the world. 

Riding in the back of the truck with Uncle Jake...to feed the goats down the street.

Jake and Johns friend James races cars at Meridian Race Way. Sometimes going places with these guys is a trial for sure. 

We had the best time this summer with the boys just hanging out. 

Shane has worked himself to the bone for a lot of years. Often he has sold things he loves so pay our bills and make our family finances work. This summer has changed everything for our family. I started working at the JR Simplot company at the end of March in the HR Department. I was an hourly temp employee and 4 months in I was hired full time. There were a lot of organizational changes in the company this summer with the HR department. Simplot is a global company mostly food and agricultural based products.  Simplot has plants, mines and sales in the US, Mexico, Argentina, Australia, China, Canada and a few other places that have not been announced. The global company changes created a new position for me which has blessed us so much. The position is something Shane and I could have never dreamt of. We have lived so tight for so long to have some extra is nice. Because of that extra Shane got the truck he has always wanted 1971 Ford F100. His love for this truck is quite evident....as is Axels love of this truck. Every time Axel comes down he wants to ride in Pappys Vroom Vroom. 

There is some work that needs to be done. Paint job, some interior work and some work on the bed. The engine is in great condition. Shane loves this truck. I am so glad he found something he loves. I wish i could give him more and I probably will over time. We have never known the comfort having some money left after all the bills are paid. Its not a lot but its enough to make life a bit easier. 

Onto other things....This is Oak waiting at the door for the men folk to come back in from outside. She will start training in February, so we shall see what kind of hunter she is. Thus far she is super attached and sleeps as close to a human body as she can. She loves to be at our feet. She is a family dog that is for sure. 

Sometimes I face time Brenda and Axel wants to talk every time. He is just learning new words and being a boy, Brenda's Boy, he is stubborn as all get out. He was excited to have his new brother come. That is for another blog. He is a great kid, his parents are doing an amazing job with him. 

Shane has an inkling every year to make blankets. We find all of the half dead blankets and then figure out a way to remake them into blankets. This year we made about 5 of them, gave away 2 of them and the others are in our house piled high waiting for whomever needs one. I made a small one for Axel as well. Wait I made one for his parents as well...I have found over the years of living without that having blankets and some food gives security.

This summer was an adventure to say the least. Ups and downs for sure. However life still goes on, there is no stopping it. I think back to the beginning of the year when Shane's job was going away and mine was not stable either....now stability is here and life seems balanced for a while. I know there are changes, challenges that come along but for once, I am going to sit and enjoy the calm. 

Jake is driving, Canning is crap, Baby bumps are beautiful

As we all journey through life do you ever wonder why the trials sometimes seem insurmountable? You are on a hike and the side of the mountain is smooth then steep. So steep you are at an angle and you are trying to keep going? A point comes in the hike and you are out of breath and the mountain sort of tapers off and you can walk upright, slowly and catch your breath. So you walk along for a while, sometimes a long while...but the inclines come again. How do you make it through those difficult times, when you are out of breath, huffing and puffing up the hill, legs burning, back aching, sweat dripping in your eyes...what do you do? I would like to say that I cry to my Heavenly Father and beg for relief, but lets be honest sometimes that doesn't happen. I wallow in pity and sorrow, I cry and wail, scream (in my mind, well sometimes in the open), I hide under my covers, sometimes pretend to sleep a lot (so i do not have to face people). So what brings me out of the depths of despair? A myriad of things, but overall one thing that does this is....laughter. When I can find a reason to laugh, i start finding more reasons to laugh, with the people i love, with my coworkers, with my friends. I have a friend that i go to dinner with once or twice a month. Sometimes we cancel because things come up, but we always find time to go together and we laugh for hours. Sometimes we have serious talks but overall we laugh. I have a coworker who i can say anything too and laughter soon becomes part of our discussions daily. This particular friend struggles with anxiety and depression so we lean on each other sometimes when we are down. Sure we complain to each other but it soon turns into laughter. Makayla Jake and John give me great reason to laugh. Not to say that Laura and Brenda do not but they are more serious than those 3. Laura and Brenda definitely have a different humor...This laughter then turns me back to talking with the Lord and pulling myself out of the depression/anxiety/frustration whatever it is that pulls me down. So again what do you do? What brings you through the trials...i ask cause i need ideas...i need inspiration.....So let me know.

On to other things...............This boy is learning to drive. My baby is driving, i thought i would be sad but i am not. I am excited for him to grow and become more and have adventures.

One day I came home from work and the recliner we had was replaced by an exercise bike. This bike gets used almost daily, when we are talking as a family, watching tv...or just being used. I am glad we have it in our faces all the time now. 

I took a day off to do some canning. Shane decided to pick up 400 lbs of pears. Yes i said 400lbs. It took all day with Brendas help and 3 canners going. Let me tell you I was achy and tired after that day. We ended up with 181 quarts which was great. Brenda came down to help but i am sure she was more achy and tired than i was.

Then we got 200 lbs of peaches. We ended up with 82 quarts out of that batch. My girls are amazing. They jump in and do what needs to be done. Laura has been canning about 16 quarts of tomatoes every week for 4 weeks, we then decided to start picking and giving away. Sweet ladies in the ward who we know can use them are always very grateful when we give them 2 baskets or a box of tomatoes. 

This is a partial photo of our pumpkins this year. They are insane and have gown like crazy. Some of them have been chewed on a bit by the family of mice or moles in the garden, they have had some good dinners for sure! We have a lot and we are hoping to make the money we did last year for the boys missions. 

Last but not least my girl, she makes my eyes sweaty sometimes. The work of pregnancy is so hard, so very taxing and frustrating. This photo was at the end of August.

These photos were mid September!! Skyler decided to learn how to take photos. I am sure to have some photos that he does not have to pay for! Anyway this is what he did for Brenda. My girl is making another baby and i am so proud of her.  We cannot wait to meet our new grandie, i just want Brenda to be well coming through it. I want for this baby to be strong and healthy. 

I mean my goodness..........LOOK AT THIS. They are a great little family....next ones need to include Axel!

So i ask you again....what do you turn to when you are in the depths of trial and tribulation? I turn to laughter, beauty in my family, joy in my children...most of all i turn to my husband. We have not had it easy, the last few years have been particularly difficult however those difficulties have created an new marriage with us. More connected, more laughter, more time together...something more heavenly and peaceful. 

And for a bit of laughter, Jake loves Elder Holland...so this one makes us laugh all the time...For my Latter-day Saint friends you may find this humorous. Jeffrey R. Holland is an Apostle in our church. He is a very learned man and quite to the point and blunt. The boys love his words. If you ever want something inspiring to hear, listen to him speak you can find him on youtube.