Another day...more musings

You know that sinking feeling that comes over you when you realized....oh crap I am going to throw up...I mean TOSS it all right now....what do you do? I am one of those people who sits very still and would rather cry than do any of that heaving crap. I dont enjoy the end result of knowing that I am going to pee my pants, possibly grab hold of a toilet that I dont want to touch, and hope and pray for it all to be over. I dont have the power to control anything when throw up comes. My sister on the other hand will just throw up and be done with it. I sort of envy that, but then if I had no qualms about throwing up I would be bulimic, this my friends is not a joke. Alas, I do enjoy eating so much that weight is an issue, another post another time.

So I woke in the the night ill, but went to work anyway toughed it out. Toughing it out apparently was not the best idea so home bound I was...on the couch is where I have been just sitting, catching up on some movies, and falling asleep. I awoke in a pool of sweat but freezing. This is never good for me. In any case I will be ok I am sure. I would like to say I hate being sick but in reality I enjoy having a few moments of rest. Actual, complete, profound sense of rest...it doesnt happen much as I am always going. I am not a person who likes to be going so much. I love to sit still and not do much, or sleep and not do much or watch movies and sit. I dont like silence much but reading, movies, music gives me some solace. 

In other topics, we went to the park about a week ago, it was nice:

It is nice to see my children love to be together. I dont remember many of these times as a kid. I am sure there must have been some, but I dont remember. I know as I got older and us kids would all sit around and laugh. Funny how I remember the times of laughter with my brothers and sisters. I have always wanted my children to be close, I want them to know they have each other no matter what. Support and strength can be found in the relationship they have. Even though Brenda is moving onward to a new life possibly not always here, she has sisters who can get a hold of her and be supported no matter what anytime. I have found that my children are becoming a unit of love which will support them even if Shane and I are not. This is what I wanted. It would seem we have made some great steps as parents thus far. 

Its funny I always had people tell me we are too harsh, expect too much, require too much...I always got the "wait until they are teenagers" blah...well my discovery is the children become what you expect them to become, they are a direct reflection of my husband and I. From what I have observed they are good kids, so far, who are going to be successful in all that they do. I realized a long time ago that these children are not MINE, they are on loan to me for a time, then they go on their own. I just have to do the best I can for now to help them to be awesome, amazing human beings. Looks like so far we may be doing an ok job.