Hard, Struggle, Anniversary

I suppose when I was young someone told me once if you dont have anything nice dont say anything at all....I am pretty sure it was said....I am pretty sure I ignored it. I have, however learned over the years what to say when and to whom. This being an audience of those who tend to know me are gonna get what you get. I will be careful and I am working hard on kindness so just be patient with me.

The last few months have been some of the hardest I have had to deal with for almost 20 years. Those who know me well and to whom I have divulged my past to know what I am referring too (it will not be repeated here or ever on this blog for that matter). At the lowest point of my life I had the best sisters in the world! They stepped in gave me support and loved me no matter the situation I was in, physically and mentally. At that time, so long ago, I had to depend on myself to get through, now i have a pretty cool guy who helps me through.

We, the man and I, have been married 20 years as of May 6th. It seems unbelievable that this came from us

Our journey as a family has been one of much struggle over the last few months. From helping our girls work through the trials of boys, life, school and work to finding ways to keep our spirits full of  positive thoughts. Having the constant pounding of negativity all around certainly makes life feel like a ocean of full waves. They, my girls, have had to deal with such a time that I wish they could have had it easier. I hope that their dad and I have been helpful in their path. I am glad my girls are smiling and having a good time in this photo. They are so wonderful and I hope they know how much I wish they did not have to be in this spot with us. 

My boys are having a struggle as well. It is tough to be in the same house with sisters who need so much of our time, but their support has been so good for the girls. They are good boys, strong boys and great ones who have been trying so hard to be supportive and loving. It is hard for them as well to work around all that is going on. John is just recovering from a lengthy illness that has taken him down one or two notches. Jake is working making friends at yet another school where he has been transferred too. Lucky it was a school where he had some friends already. 

As for me, I am trying to work on things. I have found in the last bit that my hubs and I have been working hard on staying strong. Staying on the same page and talking a lot. We have gone over and over in our minds what we could have/should have/would have done to make things easier or better. I am not sure we could have done anything different then what has already happened. We spend a lot of time by the river on Sunday afternoons to just let all the energy out and to be together. Makes for a fun time. I have some videos that were taken last sunday just have to get them loaded.

Now back to being married 20 years. It has been quite a ride. A journey that, 20 years ago, I thought i would never be able to take, had it not been for his belief in me. Our journey has not been one of ease by any means. Money has always been an issue, often we have gone without for our children. Often our children have gone without as well. We dont get vacations or trips for fun, like Disney or any theme park for that matter. We barely are able to get camping together (which I am not a fan of, but I go anyway). I wish I could give more but I, we, have found that they have just enough. Enough to fill their hearts with love, joy and happiness. 

Ms. Marley's Journey

I got a wonderful surprise in the mail a few weeks ago. Times have been so hard and trying to find ways to get happy and be happy have been hard. My sister has 3 beautiful awesome children. Abraham, Marley and Bridget. Miss Rosie her last child is not with us but still in our thoughts.

Ms. Marley sent us her Flat Traveler Marley. I was so excited to get her. Finally, I had the chance to take her out and get some good photos. Shane had just as much fun as I did taking the photos. So here we go.

Boise has a Train Depot in town looking one way you see this

Looking the other way you can see almost all of Boise can you find her in the bush.

Then we found a wonderful train, she is in the tree watching for the train to come.

Then we took her to the Oregon Trail. She seemed really excited to see where the Wagon Trains went through on the journey west. So excited she went out on the trail....she is in the bush

Then we took Ms. Marley to the other side of the Valley to see this beautiful dam. I love this bridge. It was a nice journey for our day. I am hoping Ms. Marley learned a bit about our city and stuff surrounding it. 

Its nice to have Ms. Marley with us for a while. Now to get these photos printed and sent out to her for her project!!! 

Talks, Gifts, Omelets

John gave his first talk a month or so ago and it was great. He did and awesome job. I had quite a few comments on his ability to give a talk to a large crowd and touch their hearts. It was a bit funny on the Sunday before we moved a wonderful woman came up to me with tears in her eyes telling me how wonderful John is. That what she remembered from his talk was that she is beautiful and Heavenly Father loves her no matter what she may feel about herself. I must say my son is a good boy, he tries so hard to be successful in all that he does. He has figured out that he is super smart and can do just about anything. The other day he was helping his math sub with some College level math. He was so proud of himself. It will be nice to see where he goes from here at the tender age of 12. 

Makayla and Laura gave a talk a few weeks later that was just as wonderful. There were quite a few people who did not have dry eyes. My girls have been so good and supportive with all that we have been through. They have become ladies not just girls anymore. I am so proud of them and all they have become. I am blessed to have such good girls. 

I have been trying to look at the blessings of our situation. Our lives have been a bit chaotic with loosing the house we wanted, to not having a place to live, to finding a place to live and then adapting to all of those changes. It has been hard. A few things have happened. I was telling a friend of my woes...she is very kind and loving and so understanding of me. It is unusual for me to find such a friend but she talks to me constantly over the instant messaging system we have at work. Her kind words are always supportive and most of all she lets me vent. She lets me be me. There have been times I have whined to her about stupid things like pillows, lunch, diet coke, feeling fat, being ungrateful...you think of it i have whined about it. Yet though it all she has been uplifting, kind, understanding, and loving. She has been a blessing in my life over the past week and has given of herself unselfishly and lovingly. She gave me a gift the other day of a gift card to Walmart for pillows for the family. This gift card was enough for pillows, shoes (as a boy has walked out of his shoes) some Easter candy with some left for when there are other needed essentials. I know there will be some needs coming up and there is money left for what we need. I am so grateful for her. She has no idea of the blessing she has been in our lives. Someday I will bless her life as she has blessed mine. 

Shane made some omelets this morning. They were delicious. I have to admit i miss having Shane cook for me. Although I am grateful for where we are, I do miss a kitchen. The folks we live with have been so kind and, I am sure, expect us to use their kitchen but we try not to impose too much. they have 3 littles and my boys have had so much fun playing with them. It has been nice to see my boys be friends with the littles. 

did everyone see Brenda in the background? she is strange...just no explanation for what she is.

On another note today is Easter. This day is a great day to ponder on the Savior and his love for me. I know that He loves me and my family. We have been down a rough road since moving to Boise. Most of it no fault of our own. We have been on a path that has been rocky and sometimes full of potholes. Amazingly I still have my children and my hubs. We are taking each step slowly by surely and will come out better somewhere, somehow. The Savior has been by our side every step of the way. I now there are those who do not believe as I do but for me this has been a bit of solace in my life. I need to have something to hold onto and holding to the Savior makes my life easier. My friend told me that I am enduring this trial with a grace she thought she could never have. I think of her when I hit the trials of my life. She has trials going on as well, finding grace can take us through anything, but the grace must come from the Savior. His kindness and love for me abounds and I am truly blessed to know Him. 

I guess what I mean is enjoy what you have, love what is around, find joy in the crap of life. It certainly is there...joy...not crap...well the crap is there...you know what i mean. Hang on for the ride. This too shall pass and make me stronger.....

Sadness

I have been contemplating how to write this post and if I really want to but its on my mind, so here goes. Sorry for all those who may not like it but here goes....

The announcement I was going to make is not quite what I thought it was going to be, get ready for the story. Shane and I started looking for houses in January after we found mold in the house that we were renting. The house was full of mold. Not a good thing considering John had been sick constantly since being in that house. We were finally at a point where he needed to be sleeping somewhere else. We fashioned a warm tent in the garage where there was no mold. John ended up with bronchitis, strep and 2 types of bacteria growing in his lungs by the time we got out of that house.

We found a wonderful house in Emmett with 20 acres. It was so lovely and quaint. All of the things we wanted to have including irrigation. We handed in all of the paperwork before time and had everything done...the last minute I mean 8 or so at night on Thursday we were moving on Friday the underwriters said no. So we were homeless, as we had to move out. What do we do? Where do we go? The frustration of not having a place to go and fear was almost overwhelming.

Someone came to mind. A friend had reached out to me earlier this year and she had a few rooms for rent. For some reason she came to mind, I knew she hadnt rented to rooms so i gave her a call. I cried for a bit probably too much, yes it was the ugly cry with the headache and all...but she said come over and move in. Her upstairs has 4 rooms and 2 bathrooms and a small living area. We share a kitchen and laundry, all things we have to work out.

Life has been put in a whirlwind and working out everything is hard. We are together and we love each other. Long story short dont put all your eggs in one basket. Now we are back in East Boise trying to figure out what we are going to do. But for now we are together...just together.

Leaving Birthdays and Love

So much has been going on in our family. February and March are always busy for us. Sometimes stopping and relaxing is not in the cards. I have been working about 60 hours a week for the last month and I am exhausted. Last weekend was my last at Bed Bath and Beyond. I worked there almost 8 years. I worked my way through college there, fought with my boss, found some great life long friends there and I might miss it. I frankly enjoyed the chats I had with some of the managers I got to know. I find that I have good friends mostly in men. I am not sure why that is but they are safe for me and I dont have to explain myself to them. On my last day I got something really lovely

These little bundt cakes are AUH-MA-ZING!!! If you live anywhere near Eagle Rd in Meridian Idaho you must go and try one. It was like heaven in my mouth. Apparently my boss made a special trip and brought them for me. I shared them with my 2 managers and had great talks with them. It was bitter sweet. 

Then we had Brendas birthday. I am not going to do a blog about that right now as all of my photos are packed away. She is wonderful and amazing. I supposed we must have done a good job with her but she still sticks around. I sure am grateful for her and her humor. Makes for a fun house with her around. She is waiting patiently for Connor to get home. He sends emails and letters to her. I am so proud of him and his choices to make life the best he can. He is really amazing and I am proud of him. I am glad he really loves Brenda. She deserves him, and he deserves her. It will be great to see him when he gets back. 

Soon after Brenda is Laura. She turned 15 this year. I dug out my favorite picture of her from when she was a baby. 

 I want to do a blog for her but again all of the photos are packed. 

She is amazing a wonderful as well. She has a wonderful smile and makes life fun. I am so grateful to have her in my life. She has been through a lot of trials and works hard to keep herself on the right path of life. Her hair is so beautiful, I wish mine was just as wonderful. 

I got promoted to another side of the company. Leaving customer care was a bit tough, but it was not exactly the place i wanted to be. I did not know how much i was loved. 

I love my new job!! It came with a raise. I am excited. I will be glad to not be working 60 hours a week again. I will down to about 45 which is nice. A bit of OT but not too much. I have a cooler desk and a better chair so that is nice.

Life is changing in all arenas for us. I still have an announcement to make but I cannot make it for another week. There will be pictures along with that announcement. Being in Meridian has been a blessing. Meeting Michael and Darla Plyer has made our lives much better. Every time I see Darla i just want to hug her and tell her how much i love her. Unfortunately I am terrible at hugging people and showing crap like that ...i try but it just doesnt work. I am so grateful to them for the love that they have shown Makayla. She has been so happy for the last months and I can finally see the pain gone from her face. She is still learning when to call Michael for help but it she will work it out. 

Sometimes the trials we go through are so overwhelming and frustrating that we often cannot see the positives. I have been that way lately. It is hard to get out and be happy. Then i see these kids i made and wonder at the treasures they are. How did these ones come from me and Shane? Where on the road did we make the good decisions which have created good humans? I have no idea but I am so blessed to have all that I have....I need to work on being more present and happy. 

Hair Surprise

Sometimes you go for a haircut and you come out with something you dont expect! This has happened to me a few times in my life. I usually dont freak out about hair cuts as I know it grows back and will probably be better than before. This time though, there was some freaking out. I knew from the first chop of the scissors this was going to be a problem....so i went from this

(of course this was a few months back and it was a bit longer)

Now I am as shocked as you and it is a bit weird. It is easy to work with and i can not wait for it to grow out. Now just waiting for the grow out process....It is not what i wanted. I had intended to have long layers to below my chin but I guess no need to cry about it. I feel old now, really old. The gay guy I work with says I look great so it is approved. I actually have to say that everyone I have seen likes it. I did have the one good friend who never lies to me say it was too short and when it grows out it will look a bit better. I am glad for friends like that. My sister gave me the same advice so its all good. Maybe i should put some color in it or some blond highlights so it doesnt look so bland. 

All that being said I love my new job in AmeriBen Medical Management as an Intake Coordinator. It is exciting to have the ability to help people with their medical issues and give them the help they need to get the procedures they need to get well. I am just beginning to learn things but I am excited to keep learning. 

I dont have any other quips or happiness today. Just straight forward stuff. Sorry about being boring this time around....maybe next time more news on the changing tides of the Henrie family??!!

Crappy, Happy, Snappy

I went out to start my van after work on Monday and strange noises started resounding from my engine....much sadness abounded and my frustration arose slightly. Then I started to drive home and ended up at the light at Eagle and Franklin. This was the beauty of the sunset over the side of the hill off in the distance. I was somewhat amazed at the beauty that shines sometimes through the crap of life. The colors of the sky were beautiful, I wanted to sit there for a while to watch everything change. Alas, the sounds from the engine begged me to go home.

As I arrived home Shane said there is a lifter in the engine probably not the best idea to drive it around too much. So now we are in a quandary...what to do? All of our money is tied up in an investment right now and we cant go a buy a car. One of our children came to us with the amount of money we needed for a car that we found on the internet and provided what was needed for us to purchase a car. We found a car for about $2000 that has really low mileage and will suffice for now. That child who sacrificed what was needed will be paid back, I am still in awe at the love and kindness that child had for us. So we have a car that will survive us for the next few years.

On a brighter note my girl turned 19. Sometimes I am surprised that I have a kid that old. She is lovely and wonderful. I am super proud of her with all of her craziness. She makes life happy at our house. She has become a wonderful young woman. (we are all praying for the return of her boy so she can calm down and move out!!)

She wanted New England Boiled Dinner so we had corned beef and cabbage, onions and carrots. OH MY GOODNESS it was so delicious. There was enough for 2 days such excitement in our house. Corned beef in Idaho is super ridiculous expensive which is frustrating. I wish we could have boiled dinnah more often would make for a nice night. 

on a better note Lauras hair is magnificent and amazing and often i play with it. this was our invention last sunday and I loved it. When she took it out it was all wavy and beautiful. Oh dont mind the boys in the background they seem to show up intermittently....

On a crappy note John has been sick for the past 4 days. The rental we live in has some issues and they are making John sicker than he has been in a long time. Today we decided that he needed to be outside in the fresh cool air for a bit for his lungs to clear up. Gratefully he doesn't have pneumonia but i am sure if we aren't diligent it will become worse and move to that. (I will explain more about the house we live in later.) In any case he had to have some x-rays and blood work done and it was a cool trip for him. he doesn't remember all of the other times mom had to take him as a little one and sit with him in the hospital while he was having treatments and such. I guess when you are 12 its awesome. Jake and Jill took good care of him while he was outside. They took him soup, cider and lots of blankets to keep  him at least warm. It was sweet to see Jake worry about him and take care of him. On Friday Brenda came home from work to sit with him so that John wouldn't be alone all day. We have some good kids.

On a better note I got a promotion to another part of the company. I will be working in the Intake section. Intake reviews special needs for patients who need surgeries and other special services. It is going to be great. Along with the move comes a raise and better hours. I am excited to move to another section and learn new things. I am a bit nervous about it but the ladies who work over there are amazing.

There are many more things going on but no announcements will be made at this point. Soon enough, just know that when you hear the news you will be shocked. Life is crappy but we have been finding some happiness within the crap. As usual, we have banded together and found ways to be happy and help each other out. I hope you are feeling the same in your life as well.....if not just remember