Other Newlyweds, Old Port, Jason

I have written before about my brother Jacob. I love him so much. He and I have generally always been close. When he got into some trouble we kept in contact better. He is the kindest most gentle person i have ever met or had the pleasure to know in my life. I am more grateful that i have a son who is a lot like him. Interestingly enough that son of mine has the same name. It is a joy to have such peaceful loving presences in my life.

About a month ago Jake sent me a text with a photo of the girl he wanted to marry. I was so thrilled for him. A few weeks later, i got another text that he had married that beauty!!! Well it was a surprise but i was overjoyed for him. I am so grateful he has someone to love him, understand him and support him. Just so happened i made my trip to Boston and extra day long so that I could go up to Maine and see him. I wanted to meet this lovely lady. I was so excited to be able to drive to Maine and look at the trees. I love the beauty of Maine...and Dunkin Donuts. Off Sarah and I went and met up with Jake and his girl.

Jake and Shanna. looking so happy. 

Jake is as bad as my own kids, I can rarely get a photo of him not being silly. 

Lucky for him he has sisters that love him...

Sarah and I wanted an iconic photo of the Old Port area as usual. Walking down town is so nice. I miss the days when there werent so many tourists but its still lovely. 

As we were walking i noticed this street. Shane at one point had to work underneath this street. They tore up all the cobble stones one by one and Shane worked (with his company) on the pipes below the street. You couldnt tell that it had ever been disturbed....the cobblestones were all put back exactly there they were taken from. Historical streets...who knew. 

As i turned around there was the road going directly to the water. There is the ocean. I could smell it. So Shanna and Jake took us the loveliest spot to take a photo. 

LOOK AT HOW AMAZING THIS PHOTO IS!! We were in an alley it was so great. This is where we took the photos of Jake and Shanna. I wanted to stand there forever.

We had business to attend to...we met up with our step brother Jason. I hadnt seen Jason since Malcolms funeral. I miss him a ton. He is, always has been, quite close to my heart. He has 2 beautiful daughters who are extraordinarily adorable. It was nice to sit for a while with all of us and catch up. I forgot how much fun we have together. How much joy and support we bring each other. I think between us all we have each had not the best of times over the last few years but when we are together it all melts away and we find solace in each other. Without even knowing I saw the troubles of the world melt away. We laughed until we almost cried and felt love that we had all needed. 

I was so sad to come home but Sarah and I got to spend some time alone that night. I had originally planned to stay with overnight with someone, but Sarah and i decided that we needed to just sleep. So we found a hotel and split the bill and passed out. We were so tired from the entire weekend. Our voices were starting to go...we started sounding like Selma and Thelma from the Simpsons. 

We picked up Shanna the next day and took her to Boston, she had to go to Europe for her work, she works in the Beer industry and it was Octoberfest. We got to spend a few hours with her and found that we love her so much. She fits right in our crazy family. Oh and at the airport.....

You wanna know i sat and ate another 2 donuts before my flight.....

Boston, Dunkin Donuts, Wedding

I went to Boston to see my brother get married. Now I must say that I personally never expected my big brother to get married....but there is a first for everything. (just kidding) I first heard of Amy through my other brother Jake. Apparently Darryll had been taking Amy up to visit Jake in Maine. I told Jake that Amy was part of his imagination, every time he called for about 6 months. Finally, I believed him. Well, not true, I believed him. My brothers are not much for talking much and Darryll didnt really tell me what was going on. I mean seriously i have a life man....i suppose so does he. (by the way writing this i have to add my brothers name to the dictionary! Whats wrong with my parents and spelling names?)

So Brenda got married earlier this year and Darryll was planning on getting married around the same time. Well that didnt work for Darryll and Amy...so I got to make another trip this year. I hadnt intended to make another trip but it was wonderful. I was so excited to be able go on a trip alone and be with my siblings. I miss them a lot. It is surprising how much i miss them over the span of a few years. I wish we could all be together. This weekend being with my sister Sarah, meeting my new sisters in law, Shanna and Amy and just being with my brothers has given me so much joy.

As many times as I had been in Boston in my life i was in an area this time where i walked past part of MIT. I could feel the smarts just seeping in my brain....ok not really but my sister and I complained that if they were so damned smart they should have been around to keep our mum here...ok not funny i suppose but it was funny to us....

My sister Sarah met me in Boston. Finding a place to stay was a bit of a challenge as it was very expensive to stay in Cambridge. Sarah has a friend who works for the Hyatt and so we got a really great deal on a hotel right on the river in Cambridge. It was so lovely. The bed was so comfy...I love comfy beds...with lovely duvets and nice sheets....It was a great place to put my stuff for the few hours we slept there.

When I arrived i was met by my Uncle John and cousin Heather both from across the pond and my sister. Needless to say i think they forgot I was coming cause they didnt really meet me...they were having too much fun drinking at the bar i am sure. It was the first time Sarah had met John so there was plenty of time for them to catch up before I showed up...the non drinker....

We went to the hotel dropped everything off and went to the pre wedding dinner. The restaurant was called Zas. it was so delicious. It must be the small town Maine/Idaho in me because i am never one  for swanky food, but the food there was so so good. There were these little pizzas with much yumminess on them, 2 kinds of salad and hummus with bread. Not to mention all i could drink Diet Coke although i went to water most of the night. Meeting Amy was the greatest part of the night. Darryll looked so happy, there was so much joy on his face. I always get nervous meeting people but Amy made it so easy, she hugged me and made me feel so important to her and Darryll. It was nice to feel that love from her. She is so kind and wonderful not to mention beautiful. My anxiety just melted away. I had so much anxiety going to such a swanky affair. I am always the one out of place. I am not sure how to describe how I feel about it but its just uncomfortable. I am awkward and my nerves get the better of me. I was so glad to have John, Heather and Sarah there. It made me feel not so silly. We were out late but got back to the delicousness of the hotel bed and low and behold when i woke up the next morning......

My sister brought me some munchkins from Dunkin Donuts. I was so happy. There were pumpkin spice donuts, as an aside i do not like pumpkin but in DD i love them. 

The day was so glorious when Sarah and i met up with John and Heather. We met in Harvard Square. We took a walk across the Charles River, it was so lovely. The weather was so up and down i forgot how much the weather changes. One minute its warm and glorious, next you are freezing. I could already feel the cold coming on. Sarah and i were smart and got some vitamin C in us and made sure to drink lots of water. 

I was reminded so much of my journeys in England/Scotland as we walked around. All of the architecture and the roads are so similar. It brought a new context to me of why its called New England. 

I couldnt resist this photo of my siblings. Darryll on the left and Sarah on the right. We were deciding what to do that afternoon, unbeknownst to Darryll and my parents we had already made plans to go the Harvard Campus and see some of the museums. 

We got lost a bit on our walk to the Museum but John stopped and asked someone for directions, first they looked at him funny then gave him directions. So we start walking and a few minutes later the same college kid comes back to us and shows us the right way. He was really nice. We finally made it and hung out for a while. It was a nice time although very warm in there. 

That night i got to see something that i thought i would never see in my lifetime. My sweet wonderful big brother got married to the most wonderful beautiful woman. 

 The ceremony was so lovely. It was a Jewish ceremony and quite delightful to watch. My brother was so handsome. I personally think he has always been handsome. Some words about my brother. He is a man of few words but very kind in heart. Loosing our mother was particularly hard for him, he was 17, what a crappy time to loose someone so dear. He was not around much after her death but he was always in my heart and mind. He showed up at family things and as i got older and he got older he would show up more and more. I would say over the past 7 years or so the 5 of us Fernald children have really worked hard on being more communicative so we are in each others lives more. Especially since the death of our younger brother Malcolm, we have been more together.

Darryll has always been the silent strength among us. He will silently give of his means to provide support to all of us in some way. He gives his time in ways that i cannot comprehend and often do not know about to support us as well. He is more giving of himself than i could ever be. At the same time he is understanding of my circumstances and my decision to be a Latter-day Saint and worship how i wish. As well as my decision to raise my children that way. He is always forthcoming with his opinion when i ask about my children and is the best uncle. Best of all he loves my husband. They could not be more opposite of people but they have a mutual respect of each other that i am so grateful for. Darryll constantly reminds me of the goodness of my husband and how much he supports our family. I could not be more grateful for Darryll and his support and love. He is absolutely wonderful. I am so grateful that I have him.

I mean really look at how wonderful Darryll and Amy are!!! They were so happy. She is such a joy to be around. It was like i had a sister already.

This is my Uncle John and cousin Heather. Please mind the legs in this photo. Heather rarely wears dresses but she looked fabulous and the dude in the skirt looked great as well...Very General like....bahhhh.

Here is Amy and Darryll and my parents, of course my camera took the photo right at the flash moment. eh it works

Amy got a piper for Darryll to play some tunes. Literally as soon as the ceremony was over the piper started and i teared up. I knew my mum was hanging around watching and just loving every moment. It was so nice to have a part of mum around. Not to mention her brother John. I loved being with John again. Funny that I can be myself with him and enjoy his company. 

My beautiful sister and Uncle John looking fabulous. 

One last story from the wedding. I am sure from reading my blog and most of you who know me, know that i have some humor to me. There was some time the evening before the wedding where people got up and made some speeches. I couldnt bring myself that night to say anything. Others did and mostly all of Amys family and some of their friends. Amy asked me that night if i would be willing to speak at the wedding. I said I tend to be the spokesperson for the family. I did the eulogy for Malcolm so i suppose i can do the non alcoholic toast for a wedding. I was out all day and finally had some thoughts in mind. I was nervous as i didnt know anyone in the room. I got up and gave a speech. Apparently it was really good because EVERYONE in the room after i spoke said how good it was. I wish I could remember, i will have to ask if there is a video. I just remember saying how much i love Darryll and how Amy has similar traits to our mother and I can understand why he loves her. I met people i would have never met in my life. Considering Darryll has always had pretty influential friends it does not surprise me that he has a wife who knows some as well. Apparently I met some publicists and other people who could make me a comedy star...I am ever so humbled they see that in me. But i wanted to do my best for my brother, my big brother, whom i have always looked up to and love so much. I am so happy he has found a love like Amy...

Plane flight, 3 (new) rules, Calming

There is something to be said about flying. You never know who you are going to meet (not that i particularly like meeting people) or what you are going to see for that matter. I have seen more damned leggings in the last 4 hours then is humanly necessary...

Anywhoo, i have this bum shoulder i have been dealing with on and off for the last 2 years. Some days it hurts like a sonofabitch...some days its fine. I tried to make sure i got seats on the flights on the right side of the plane so i wouldnt have anyone hit it....well no such luck. Needless to say its going to be a painful weekend. I found that my little ipod Brenda filled up for me is really calming. So the fidgety dude next to me who seems to have Tourettes and the kid screaming 3 rows back is sort of blocked out. I feel bad for the momma of that baby...its a rough road flying with an infant and this one sounds in pain. Ears are a finicky thing.

On to what i really want to write about. So i was noticing at work what people wear. You know, what do you think business attire is? I would assume it does not include seeing any kind of under garments. Or vaginal space for that matter. Maybe i am a prude? Maybe i just have some semblance of modesty? Maybe i am wrong, maybe vaginas should be seen? I mean if you are an Ob/GYN that makes total sense...but i work in an billing office people.

So i was walking by a co worker, whom i do not know very well, she was leaning on a desk and not bending at the knees....side bar- if you are wearing a short dress please for the love of all that is good bend at the knees...its more becoming of a lady- and i definitely saw London and France and the whole of her underpants...sad thing was others could as well. What ever do you do in that moment? I slowly walked by and got her attention and did the distraction thing so she would smooth out her dress...it worked. I was a bit dumbfounded and let it go, someone else didnt and she had to be talked to abut the length of her dress.

So because of this i have come up with yet 3 new rules
1. If your dress is not longer than your underwear please do not wear it to work.
2. If your dress is short remember the person next to you when you flip your chair around to talk to them...panty shows are not attractive at any age.
3. If all else fails wear a long-er dress with some pantaloons...thats what mormons do and we tend to be safe.

My girl who sits close to me came up with these rules with me. We were really talking about how we would rather be in pajamas all day and not see any grossness...we just want to go to work do our jobs and go home. She and I are not much for drama so when drama appears we disappear, and quickly.

Sometimes i get really bad anxiety. This trip has created quite a bit of it for me. Shane was dropping me off at the airport this morning, i was telling him how uncomfortable this trip was feeling for me, he was reassuring and kind. I know lots of people dont think he can be like that but he is...thats what 3 daughters will do to ya. He told me nothing matters until i come home to him. That he loves me, every part of me the way i am. Made me feel so much better. Still makes me tear up...even next to Mr. Fidgety...whom i am going to punch if he swears one more time...its nice to have support like that. I even got a message from one of my girls giving me some kind words. Its nice that when you think you are alone and a weirdo you really arent. I suppose that is the way it is with Heavenly Father. He is always there no matter who, what, where or how we are. Its a bit of a calming that enters for me. (Great fidgety guy is drinking vodka and oj) ....

Hair, Subway, Family

In the previous blog i wrote that the great ladies at work gave me a gift card to get my hair done. I thought about it a lot before i really decided to take the steps to make a change. You have seen photos of me before but if not well here is a before

My hair is kind of blah...over the years i have gone from the beautiful strawberry blonde to sort of a muddled blonde with sliver. Now i dont mind silver but its not all silver....so here is the after 

the top photo is from work. I had to see it under the lights. It is fun. The other 2 are in my bathroom at home with different light. The cut is really nice. I like it A LOT. So now its a matter of keeping up with it. I am hoping to be able too. So we shall see it looks exciting.

In other news this girl FINALLY got a job and she is so happy. She is working at Subway close to the house. She can ride her bike to work and will be getting her license soon. I am so proud of her. She has been struggling these last few months or year or so really with some medical crap that is hard to deal with. I wont say much about it because its her privacy but needless to say she is a trooper. Some days i know its hard for her to take another step, another movement. But she keeps going. She wants to serve the Lord on a mission and i am so excited she wants to do that. She struggles but will be amazing...she will make it through.

other times my kids are all at the house, including the married ones. Its so nice to have them there. Skyler is such a great addition to our family. On this day he was so tired but came anyway. He has great views of the gospel the discussions with the family now are even better. 

everyone knows our house gets wild but in the end they all love each other and want to be together. It is an absolute pleasure to be their mother,...on most days. 

 Look at Jakes face, that kid cracks me up. My mother in law is in the hospital with a surgery and there was a threat of mersa....so there was the complete joy of getting dressed to be in the room.....The boys always take it one step too far but hey they are boys. My mother in law will be fine, it has been a tough long ride with her, but my sister in law is amazing and taking care of all of the hard facts of medical stuff, while shane and i take care of the liquidation of the assets. It has been a trial and a half but....we have funny kids.....i mean look at that kid

Photos, John (sick again), Content

Since my father in law died we have been working on cleaning out the house. My mother in law is currently residing at a rehab facility as she had some surgery and needs quite a bit of rehab. In turn we have been spending quite a bit of extra time cleaning and sorting. Shane came across this collage, above, and thought i would like it. Of course it brought so many memories. i couldnt believe how little they were and how much i want to pinch some cheeks. Brenda said how fat she looked and Jake was in awe at how small he was. Laura is laura and John well he is my little one in that photo. Funny how they grow before our eyes and sometimes we dont see it until we are reminded that they were once babies.

I have found that i love having photos done of my kids. I love the time the photographer puts into editing and showing their personalities. i am not a fan of my own photos but i try to be in some. I know its important to the kids to have me in them.

Speaking of my kids. This last few weeks has been a horrible road for us. Sometimes i wonder why things go so smoothly then BAM crap hits the fan. So John had not been feeling well for a bit. He stayed home from school last friday (weekend of Labor day). There was some throw up and fever and poo...yucky poo. I noticed that he would feel better then get yucky again. By monday he seemed to be fine until monday night and it all came back. He went to school the next day and went home and on Wednesday i took him to the dr. The dr sent us directly to the ER. He was excited to get his first IV, i told him that it certain ly was not his first.

Turns out he had been in quite a bit of pain level 8 for days. The dr gave him ibuprofen super strength, but it didnt touch the pain. So he got some morphine. Needless to say he loved it. Made him feel really good. They did an ultra sound and found nothing going on in his gut. So a CT scan it was. The result was that he has either a bacterial or viral infection of his lymphs on the right side of his body which is creating infection in the gut, hence throw up, cramping and poo....So it is probably rotovirus or some other crappy virus. He has a medication for cramps, one for nausea, and our favorite Prednisone (steroid) for the swelling. So he is now recovering and we are in cleaning mode. Cleaning and disinfecting everything and i mean EVERYTHING. He will be fine but it has been tiring. I think everyone in the house has had some form of the poo thing. I know too much information, but bleach is a good friend.

So my sleep is not that great, Shane has been trying to get himself back in a groove after the heath of his father and all of the work that entails. In the mean time Laura has been looking for a job and had not had much luck when finally she got a job. Here is to hoping she starts next week. Between Shane and I there has not been much sleep and we have been working hard on not getting at each others throats. It has been difficult but we are doing great. He has been a great support to me over the last 20 years. I am glad to have him with me. 

So today i finally have some down time and i am just sitting watching shows and enjoying being here. We have a wedding to go to tonight so an easy afternoon is nice. I am pretty content right at this very moment. What about you? Are you content? and what do you do when you arent...when life brings you piles of poo what do you do? 

CHOOSE Not to be a Miserable Cow

Lately at work I havent had to be on the phones. In fact the phone aspect of my job has been moved to another part of the company. Frankly that is awesome. It certainly helps me get more work done then originally anticipated. In return i can plug into my headphones and just work. My job has become busier over the last few days as well. Now onto a, sort of, explanation of what I do. I bill Commercial, Liability, Managed Care and Blue Cross insurance in behalf of the patients who go visit any of the Saint Alphonsus Clinics. For reasons of HIPAA (look it up if you dont know what that is cause you need to know) I will not tell you what clinics i bill for but they are in the Boise Valley. So yes i have seen some names which are familiar to me and just do the billing and move on.

If you arent sure of what billing is, short story, You go to the doctor give them the insurance card, they send a notice to me to say you were there, I send a claim to the insurance company, I send the left over bill the insurance has not paid to you. Then I hope you pay the bill with in a certain amount of time so I dont have to send you to collection.

I started listening to Pod casts. I found a couple of apps to put on my phone that have various pod casts and i am enjoying them. I have always liked Dr Laura so I listen to some of her stuff then move to some other ones on history, crime, Dr Drew Pinsky. There is a wide range. Often times i listen to Pandora and make up a station of music to listen too. It has been fun. I tend to take time in the beginning of the day to listen to some church stuff as well.

This comes to the photo above. I have noticed that I choose how to I am going to behave. Dealing with all different kinds of people has created a really jaded side of me and i thought i had put that away years ago. Apparently not. There are a few people i work with who have made my adjustment to this new job quite easy. There are some who have made it hard (though they do not realize it I am sure) But in the end I CHOOSE how i am going to feel or be that day. I have found the more i smile and laugh the more amazing things happen to me.

I will let you in on one....I have had quite an amazing summer. First i got an amazing new job which paid more money and gave more options to grow. Then I got to watch my daughter get married to a great guy, I then got to go and visit family in a completely different country on the other side of the world. (missing breakfast and dinners with them) Then I cam home settled in a bit and then had to bury my father in law. So many amazing opportunities with in those 4 months and only 1 really good hair cut...HAIR CUT you say??? Yup... I had a really great cut before Brendas wedding then a small trim before my Britain Trip. Now it is the beginning of September and my hair is disgustingly not shaped and the ends are split and catching on everything. So i was saying something to my Homie at work, i complain to her a lot but she understands. I got to work on monday and in a moment of quiet 3 ladies (including my Homie) came up to me with a gift card for a sweet little shop to get my hair done. They had all gone in on a card to do something nice for me. I was so overwhelmed. I actually think i told them to all go away because i started crying. I know for a fact i turned around and hugged my Homie and cried on her for like 5 mins...ok maybe a couple but it seemed like forever. My gratitude for them and humility is something i cannot express.

What they may not have know was that morning i fought with my hair, i struggled with my damned mascara, I couldnt find anything that felt good to wear and my kids had a bit of a tough morning as well. I was done by the time i got to work. I didnt want to face anything I had to do but I didnt want to be a MISERABLE COW, so i sucked it up and thought of the funny things my kids do and moved on. So amazing things DO happen if you arent a miserable cow.

The other thing that happens is the above, mostly when i am at work. My Homie and I often send instant messages to each other with just the lines of music we are listening too. We both are a fan of 80s hair bands and 70s rock and of course Journey fits into that. One of the joys of my days is listening to music and chattin it up with my Homie. 

Needless to say life is one roller coaster of excitement. There is always something happening, good or bad, all the time. But at the end of the day its nice to come home to my own house, my own bed and be with my hubs. It is nice to come home and not be a miserable cow and be amazed at what i have. Grateful to be able to have such great opportunities.

So what are you doing to not be a miserable cow? 

Rules, Learning, Death

Some interesting things have been happening around our house over the last month. Many laughs which have come out of nowhere. It always interests me that sometimes church people cant talk about sex with their children, let alone with a group of people. I was sitting in a class a few weeks ago and the discussion turned to sex, fornication, whatever and how it is important to talk to your kids about it. The ridiculousness of the class was that for more than a half an hour nobody said either of those words, not even sexual relations..nothing. Here we are a group of grown adults and we cant say "Hey we really need to be talking to our children about Pre marital sex and its consequences." But no...someone had to say I tell my children to "bridle their passions." What the hell does that mean? I mean when you say bridle to me I think Whips and Chains. (insert laugh here...my friend Cindy and I laughed a lot at this one). Also that brings me to the fact that Whips and Chains and sadomasochistic behavior is popular as well. I was so frustrated that we couldnt say it in a room of adults. I think this is a big thing wrong with our society today. There is no discussion with our children of the hard facts of life. You dont have to be graphic but damned people, talk to your children and dont be afraid of it. This is why and how we get rampant sexual diseases among our children or babies that dont have families to lean on. There is no discussion of protection or abstinence, because we are too embarrassed to talk about sex. Stupid really. This is why we have always been open with our children. Some say too open...thats for another time.

Ok all that being said on to the funny part...On the same day my children were having discussions with some of the Bishopric (these are 3 men who lead our congregation) They divided up the age groups 12-13, 14-15, 16-18. John was in one of those meetings and the discussion came back to sex and how important it is to understand chastity etc....needless to say no use of the word sex or fornication or abstinence nothing, a boy then says my dad says i should bridle my passions....John who is super smart then is completely confused. He is the kind of kid you have to be straight with and not beat around the bush or it doesnt make sense. So John gets frustrated and says "Basically it comes down to 3 rules: 1. Dont play with your pecker 2. Dont put your pecker in someone 3. Find something constructive to do to use your time." So the teacher of the class was a bit taken aback and didnt really know what to say. So he comes home and tells us what happened and we have to discuss what to say and when to say what. Oh and he asked what bridle your passions meant "is that putting on a horse bridle and walking around cause that is stupid" Yes he said that....

now who can tell that cute face to be careful? Well i can, at the same time i am glad he knows what to do. I am glad he has some strong convictions. 

so to Family Home Evening talking about words and how important they are. Also discussing the questions the kids come up with. Often times their questions are so profound. Our latest discussions have been around sexual activity, marriage, gay/lesbian understanding, using the scriptures to guide us, and work. They have been so interested in to many different things lately. It has been a joy to watch. 

Death comes to us all over the last few weeks we have been very close to death. My father in law, the kids grandfather died in his home, on August 10th. The week before was a hard week as he had been in the hospital and my hubby had to go and make some hard decisions about how to help his father. It is probably one of the toughest things I could  imagine doing. I have to say I am grateful my father and step mom are well planned and have a plan. My in laws did not have a plan, let alone money to bury one of them. I have planned a funeral before and been a part of it. Somehow i became a calm voice in the storm of this funeral. It was a nice thing to be able to help. But over the last week it has become a very difficult process for everyone involved. There has been a lack of sleep, food, tolerance and patience. I finally broke down and requested some meals from some of the church ladies, they have been fabulous. Our family has had great discussions about death and what it means and how to cope. My kids are pretty great, i am grateful for them. I am grateful for Brenda and most of all Skyler joining and being a part of our family. He brings a calm to Brenda and everyone he is around. It has been a pleasure to see my children rally around each other and their dad through this. 

My children spent their last few days before school started cleaning out sheds, bringing everything to our house, sorting and helping their dad create a HUGE yard sale. Well at our house we call them Man Sales. It has been rather warm her in the 90's (F) so the option is to get up almost before the sun comes up to go with dad before the day gets too hot. So my 4 kiddos get up around 430am go with dad and work until 10 or 11. Then we have a bit of rest time and then its cleaning and sorting. I am amazed at my children and the work they do. Do they like it? I am sure not, BUT they have all said to me this gives them reason to be prepare in life. They each have told me in one way or another about how this service to their grandmother is teaching them good lessons on life. My children have always struggled with their grandfather. He was a hard man, tough and often very difficult to deal with. I am not sure they ever saw any of this gentle side. The boys always got the brunt of it as well as he liked to play and sometimes would hurt them not being aware. It is a struggle for them to feel compassion towards that kind of person, but i think they have compassion for their father and all that he has lived through. My boys find strength in watching their dad overcome and become a great father. 

I guess what I mean is you have the choice to change your family. You have the ability to make life easier or harder for your children. You choose to follow in the footsteps of anger, frustration whatever it is or become a compassionate kind loving person. Life isnt always an easy road but you choose to make it what you want. I think this is what i am instilling in my kids through this. That makes me wonder about others, does wallowing in self pity really make for a good life? Or wishing for more? Probably not, i find myself doing it sometimes and then am brought back to reality. Reality that I choose to be happy, loved, enjoy, whatever it is...its better than being miserable.