More about me than you want to know

I am sitting in my own house, on my own couch, enjoying time with my kids. Watching movies, listening to the washer finish, the dryer going, Brenda is doing her homework, Makayla is coming home from work...would seem my life is perfect, right? Perfection is not what my life is.

I am overweight, tired, frustrated with my job and where I am, I want to shop to have more, to do more. I want my house to be better than it is, BUT today I was reminded that I have a blessing that some other people do not have. I have depression and anxiety. Why is it a blessing you ask? Because it makes me who I am. It has taken a long time to be so open about it. I know it started when i was a preteen and has been a part of my life for years. I have eluded to it often and have started talking about it in the last year more often.

Now why is this a blessing in my life? Kind of a dumb thing i think to have it be a blessing but at the same time it has shaped me. I have been afraid for many years of what people think of me or the way they see me. I am not pretty, not thin, dont have nice clothes, or a new(er) car. Heck i just realized how smart i am working where i do. My sisters and brothers are way smarter than I. Over the past year i have found that my struggles are more prevalent than I expected. Most of the women i have run into have some level of depression or anxiety. I have even seen it in my children. (no worries we are working on it as a family). It can be at any level as well. Worry over children, money, looks, learning curve almost anything you can think of.

Today i was reminded again that my blessings of depression and anxiety have been a blessing to others. I had a friend today tell me how grateful she was for my blog and what she found out about me. At another time this week I was thanked for being so honest about my troubles. That day i had a hard morning and getting to work was tough. The next day she and I sat outside during lunch and talked about how similar we feel and she thanked me for being me. I in turn am completely blessed to have her in my life.

So what do i do, how do i keep my head above water? How do i keep going on when sometimes i sit at my desk and want to cry? I laugh...A LOT. I find reasons to make funny stories, small little jokes, which turn into big ones, making fun of myself sometimes to bring a respite to the day. I am glad I can be that for others.

Well my blog for this week isnt that wonderful, but maybe helpful? Leave some noise if you want, I am always available for questions as well. Know this I am more grateful for my Heavenly Father for loving me through the toughest times. He is always there for me, ALWAYS on my side. Making me understand myself.

Now for a few quotes from a man I admire with all that I am. He is amazing and engaging. His words lift me every time i hear him speak. His name is Jeffery R Holland. If you are ever interested in hearing from him youtube him.

I am always around.....