sick, giving up

Sometimes I just want to give up. I have been really sick for the last couple of weeks. I am tired. I have been going to work and doing everything I can to keep up with my job, just when I think I am ahead I get sick again on the weekends. I dont want to have to take any time off of work. Surprisingly I like what i do. I am not feeling as challenged as I would like but I think that is coming.

I came down with a pretty crappy infection a bit a go and it is taking its sweet time clearing up. I think though i probably push myself too much. At the same time, I think I have been that way all my life. I have been listening to a song lately that really is nice. It is one that I blast in my earbuds when i am feeling down and it brings my soul alive a bit.

I have found lately that i have been talking a lot more to people about religious stuff. It is funny how it comes into conversation. For a while i had been staying late at work and now i have to leave early on Wednesdays to do Young Women stuff. All of the ladies I work with are always asking what we are doing, what is the plan, what activity am i doing with them, how are they coming along in their projects? Seems strange to me as they dont know really what is going on. I have been working on YW stuff for the past few weeks and there is a lot to do. I suppose it will all clear out sooner or later but it feels like a long way away.

I am not usually one who talks to people about Mormons or stuff i believe in unless they ask mostly because I get busy doing what i am doing and it doesnt come up. I have an awesome friend who has been a member at one time and is not now. She has become a great friend almost a sister to me at work. I know whenever i need someone to talk to I can go to her and let out my frustrations. We have a cone system. The cone is where i can say whatever I want and she listens sometimes she gives me tough feedback, sometimes just agrees, sometimes tells me i am full of it, sometimes just an ear to hear. I love that i can be that way with her. She encourages me to be myself and tells me all the time I am a bad ass. I like that. She also doesnt have a problem calling me on my crap. If i am being stupid she will say. But her encouragement has helped me see that I can and will succeed in what i want. I can achieve greatness. She is so understanding of my love of my family and church which is awesome as her experience is not that great. She understands how grateful i am for General Conference and the joy i get from my Hubs love for me. (even though he has a wizard beard which is what she calls it).

In other news, I made pie and bread. It was delicious.

Shane and I celebrated out birthdays...he had the best cake a chocolate mousse cake i would like to say he ate all of it but in reality he did share. 

We had hot dogs, some steak, potato salad and of course ice cream. It was a fun night. With Shane doing so much with Elders Quorum he isnt home much and fitting in the celebration was between Conference. It was nice to be with the kiddos:

Conference in comfy clothes is a nice way to have it. We had the sister missionaries over for the first session then fed them some food. It was great. I was sick yet again but they were cool.

I have been lacking on writing in my blog. I am glad i have others that write it reminds me to keep it up or my sweet NZ friend wont know what is going on. I wish i could get out of my funk. My funk comes around and likes to hang its not a good thing. I had to explain it to my presidency when we had a meeting there is nothing more humiliating then saying Hey I am in a funk and trying to get out. Bare with me. I am working on it. Of course the sicker i have gotten over the past weeks the worse my funk is. 

Maybe my next post will be better...just some musings on some good times within my funk?