Ever wonder what your purpose is? I think our purpose changes through out our lives. I think the only constant is knowing I am working my way back to Heavenly Father. There was a time that my purpose was to be a mother. To give birth, nurture and bring them up as good humans. Then the time when my purpose was to learn all that I could to bet educated, to support my family. Now I am in a place where my purpose is to work in corporate world for retirement. Though all of that getting back to Heaven is my goal. I realize I can only take myself. So I am working on that. I say all of this cause I have often wondered what my dreams are. What do I really want in this life? What are my hobbies? I used to read, but I have yet to pick up a book in a long while....WAIT that is not true. I have been reading the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon currently on book 6. Great adventure, love story. Some parts are slow but generally its a great book.
Back to my dreams...not sure i have many. Shane has always wanted a farm, a little place to call his own and raise some animals. I sort of like where i am right now, just hanging out, working,enjoying time with my family. So maybe dreams come along when they are supposed to, when you are least expecting it? Well i am on the train waiting for that moment to come.
In the mean time...family life keeps on. The world keeps on even if we dont go anywhere and are in quarantine. I am trying to figure out why I stopped blogging...looking back through photos I really stopped around the time of the death of one of my boys friends. That is a shame because so many fun things have happened in this year. So get ready for a new bunch of photos. 
One of the biggest surprises of the summer was this little girl who decided now is the time to join her big brothers. She is due to arrive in May 2021 and I am excited. Little girls are amazing, I mean I have 3. They seem to have grown into wonderful young women as well soooo, here's to Brendas little family finding joy in new life. (I tell her often I am so glad she is doing this but I would never...again, she understands)
At the beginning of this year we had to return Oak to the original owner. Oak is a hunting dog and the boys were not in the right place to really invest the time she would have needed. So in return Shane found this little girl. Meet Ruth, she is a Mastiff and will be huge when she is done growing. 
This is Ruth a month or so ago and is still growing, please excuse the messy door it leads to the garage. I will keep positing photos so we can see her grow.
She is Jake's dog for sure. She loves him, she really loves John as well so we shall see what happens when John leaves. It will be an adjustment for everyone...
Jake and Ruth napping on the floor. She is a good dog but really frustrating to me. I really try to work with her a lot but its tough.
I was sent home from work in March sometime. Working from home should be great right? It was a tough ride for me. Sitting at my kitchen table for months was not the most ideal. I have found that I am a social person. I need to be around my co-workers, it helps me be a better employee. We started a new platform this year at work and it was a tough ride. I realized my tough spot too late. Trust me there is nothing more humbling then going to your boss and apologizing for my work, apologizing for not being the best I could be. I have to say my boss is super gracious and very helpful to guide me back. I have been working my hardest to get myself back to where I was before the quarantine. Although I had more time with my family, I lost myself again. I have found it happens when I cannot separate motherhood from work and vice versa. Learning curves for sure. It also does not help that the people I work with I am old enough to be their mother. This is a fault I have to work with. What about you other moms who work? What do you do to make sure you make a clear separation? I think too, I also have a tendency to compare myself to others, that is a terrible fault. I have super smart siblings, I know they are smarter than me by a million times, so I have always been a bit wary of myself and go down a rabbit hole. It also does not help that almost every job I have been at, I am passed over, every. Single. Time. I need to learn to be happy where I sit. At one point I reached out to someone to just help me along. I do not do that very often, or ever, but I did. I am so glad that I did. I found a new friend who always answers me and gives me encouragement. This is not to say that other friends do not help, as I look back I can see where I have been encouraged to move on, keep going...it has been humbling.
Shane on the left, John on the right. I knew there would be a day when John would grow, but to be the same size as Shane??? never in the world did I think this would happen....now he is getting ready to leave :(
Shane shaved this summer as he got a new job working for Simplot as well. There is a potato factory in Caldwell, he works there. It has been great to have him feel confident in his work. We shall see what will happen with this job. We decided that he would work where ever he wants too. Our hope is to have our house paid off by the time Jake leaves on his mission. So a good job for him is helpful.
Jake is 16 now but still takes the time to be with dad. Every night never fail, he comes in to talk to Shane and lay down with him. Someday these moments will be gone, I am glad I got a photo.
Jeremiah has grown so much this year. He is just barely walking and starting to babble. He is so delicious.
At one point this year Brenda's family was over, John hugged her...John often forgets how big he is. At this point in the photo, she was telling him to stop...He can crack my back by hugging me. He is one tough boy.
I suppose that is enough for now. I am still working on why I stopped blogging. I know a lot of it is because this year has been so hard for me. I am working on myself in the hopes of getting back to a good spot. This is hard for me, however I know its needed. I am also still looking for my purpose, what am I doing? What will I be doing in the future? There are so many options, but for now I sort of like where I am. I know we can all do better, the point is to keep trying and moving forward to become better. So if you know me, let me know what you do? How do you find your purpose? How did you get to where you are? Do you compare yourself to others and then defeat yourself? Just know you are not alone, I am right there with you on the journey....Good thing I have a good husband who encourages me to be more....
