Sleep, family, gifts

Last night I came home and went to bed. I was tired. Ever have those days? Tired? Just plain worn out. So I was laying there hoping for sleep and as often happens I dont go to sleep right off. I often have to lay there and just try to think of other things like fields with birch trees surrounding me on a bed of moss. Seems a bit wishy washy but its a good memory i have of my Grammy Fernald. This memory came from a time when my mom was sick and I got to walk through the woods with Gram. She was an amazing woman.

Eventually I went to a fitful sleep and was that way most of the night. Not sure what is on my mind maybe just figuring out life. Life is full of crazy days and sometimes fitful nights, but in the end its not a bad gig.

All that hum drum being said what follows are some pictures of our moving celebration. Whenever we move we usually have pizza but this time the kiddos wanted burgers. So burgers it was. Plus a mess of fries. Also added a couple of pictures of the house. No room pictures, they will come soon. These were minus Brenda who seems to be doing her own college/work/life thing. Like I said life is a crazy ride. Often we dont have have any idea of the path we are on.

There are no pictures on the walls, I havent decided yet if I am going to. Its not a place we are going to stay for a long time just hang here for a bit. So why put anything up?

One good thing about moving is you can clean out your stuff. I found that we gather lots of stuff, do we really need it? Not really sure its nice to have but if you have to store it all is it worth it? What if what you have can bring joy to someone else? Even if it is something that is precious to you.

This is my beautiful friend Dana. She and I have somehow become sisters. Through a series of unfortunate of events Dana and I are connected at the heart strings. 20+ years ago my Gran Thomson brought me a beautiful bowl. I have cherished this bowl for years. It has set on a shelf collecting dust, not being used. I was too afraid to use it. Dana lost her husband a few years ago and her handsome sons are getting married off. I had it in my mind to give her this bowl a few years ago, but never had the chance. I found a time to give it to her, here are her words:

♡ My bonnie Scottish sister Moira Henrie gave me this beautiful Edinburgh Crystal bowl "just out of the blue" on the day of Gunnar & Paige's wedding reception. I was mega stressing over all the final preparations I was trying to do and I was deeply missing my Wardo far beyond words. I "happened" to bump into Moira at her work where I was hoping to grab 2 more tablecloths that I seemed to be lacking. As I walked into the store, Moira was standing near the front doors. We hugged and said "Hi" like we always do. She told me she had something special she had been wanting to give me for quite some time (like for 2 years) and that she actually happened to have it with her so we walked out to her car. She told me the history behind the surprise; a gift from her Scottish grandmother, but Moira had decided a while ago that she wanted me to have it. When Moira handed me the long-awaited gift, I recognized it right away. "I LOVE Edinburgh Crystal!! It's my haggis bowl!" I squealed joyfully! ; ) I was stunned! Tears began to fill my eyes.I knew from that moment on that all would be well that evening. It was my sign!! (I do get them every now and then.) Of all the days over the past 2 years that Moira could have given me this beautiful crystal bowl, the perfect day was that VERY day! Of course we cried together in the parking lot! We didn't care who saw us! Moira, thank you my sweet thoughtful friend! I will always treasure your special gift and will take great care of it! Your timing was impeccable! ; ) I love you, my treasured Sister! ♡

I can only hope that my Thomson family would understand. The bowl was a treasured gift, given at a time in my life when I needed her love. I know she brought it at a time that was followed by a dark period of my life. For my husband now that bowl was attached to that time. I am grateful to give it to someone who will treasure it and love it as much as i did/do. By the way here is her handsome son Gunnar and his bride Paige dressed in their wedding best looking amazing.....(I hope you dont mind Gunnar and Dana) 

So think of the stuff you have can someone benefit from your stuff...can someone else enjoy the things which mean the most to you? Maybe its just your time, just you....

TELL ME

Have you ever just hoped that tomorrow would be better? There are times that life is so overwhelming that you can hardly bear it, then someone starts talking about their trials and you are overwhelmed with emotion. 

I found myself in an office at work with the CEO of the company and one of the team leads doing the ugly cry...you bet people the ugly cry IN FRONT of  my boss and bosses boss....The CEO of my company is a wonderful guy who believes in total transparency in the company. Once a month there is a meeting called the Company View where you go and find out whats up. They pretty much do everything including open the books and tell you whats up with the company. It makes for a great place to work. This View was focused on Depression and the effects it has in the lives of those around us. How we can be better helpers of others and the resources the company has made available (free i might add) so that those battling this can have help. 

I have had a struggle with depression for many years. It seems the funniest most outgoing people are the ones who are depressed (Robin Williams?! anyone) Many people find me quite funny, i cant see it but hey whatever. Also I have had many people find great comfort with me. I still struggle with that thought as well. Over the past few months moving, signing kids up for school, attempting to excel in my job, being mom, and wife has become quite overwhelming. I ofcourse instead of taking care of myself let everything go. Including exercise. I think this has been my downfall...When I was working out with Melissa and Dorri I felt a sense of purpose and reason to keep going. Moving has taken me away from the gym i loved now i must find another as soon as I can work out the contract with my previous gym. It has been difficult and frustrating. I have gained weight again and feel yet again like I have let myself down (along with Melissa, even though she has no idea)...

This cry fest in this office was treated with such kindness and understanding. Andy (CEO guy) informed me how grateful he was to have me working at his company. Assured me of my worth as an individual in the workings of his company and that whatever I am in need of his office door is open. Literally his office door is never closed, he believes all of his workers should have access to him. Good and bad. He is at the front of the building before you have to use an electronic pass to get in. 

As I went back to work he thanked me for being there, asked if i needed anything from him. I found that he is a Stake President in Meridian...not my stake, but one close by. I had no idea. The peace felt around him was indescribable. One of the team leads was with me Jenny. Jenny is just as amazing. She has been the one to encourage me since I started working and met her at AmeriBen. She has a hubby like mine and is a lot like me. Her presence in that situation gave me hope in knowing that I am on the right path.

Throughout the day they both came to check on me. I even received an email from Andy the next day giving me more words of encouragement. So this is not my usual way of letting people get to know me, but it showed me that being myself is ok. For years I have struggled with being myself. The broken girl who had to work through all of the stupid decisions alone. I am not alone. Very few people really know me. I guard myself....but dont we all? 

Guarding really inhibits the ability for others to help. It doesnt let in those who can make you a better person. I struggle with depression, not talking, being standoffish (is that a word?) because its to hard to feel sad. But as of late it just not worth it. I am tired. Tired of being that way. 

I started out with some pictures from my yard and my drive to work. Why cant I enjoy this more? Why cant I get myself in gear and do what needs to be done for me instead of wallowing in pity? What do you do to over come those feelings? What do you do for yourself? how have you stopped the crap talk and made your life better?

TELL ME...I need some help here people....I need something to grab onto to make the change....oh and if you would like to move closer anyone (Melissa) i could use a workout buddy again.....

My Boy

This is my boy when he was born. I was so excited to finally be having a boy for daddy. Life was exciting. I certainly did not make a good pregnant woman. When I went to the dr for my visit at 34 weeks there was an issue with my blood pressure. Sure I was pretty sick, I felt like garbage and was really tired. I had gained a ton of water weight in the previous week (i say a ton but really 5 pounds, its a ton trust me). I had a constant headache which no matter how hard I tried it wouldnt go away. BUT i was having a boy and we were excited.

I went to the dr the next week and the dr kindly told me to go to the hospital and call Shane to come hang out with me so they could do some tests. Little did I know how sick I really was. Within 2 hours I had a baby boy. My first C-section and I was ok with that...did you know you get some good drugs with that? Man i am not a drug user, but for a day or two it was nice to have a bit of a respite. Within a few hours I knew something was wrong. They would not let me see him or hold him. Apparently, the boy couldnt breathe and was having some difficulty keeping his O2 levels where they needed to be.

John Thomas was 7lbs and 3oz when he was born all those weeks early. Yup, a monster really. Beastly for a kid going to the NICU. He had to be trucked to another hospital for a few weeks and life for me got crazy. I have some other pictures but it is still hard to look at them, even after 12 years.

My boy has grown over the years. This year my beautiful friend Rachelle took some awesome pictures of our family. She took some great ones of my boys. So since today is about John here are my favorite ones. OK all of them were my favs so I couldnt choose.

this last one make almost sad. I can see him growing up and becoming a man. He has been working on deciding to get the priesthood or not. He says he is ready. It is a big commitment but watching him and knowing how much he loves his dad makes me see how great of a person he will be. He is kind, warm, understanding, loving and sweet. When he says prayers he speaks to Heavenly Father like He is his best friend. He is passionate about all things in his life. OH he has quite the red-headed temper, but he is learning to control it. 

I will miss the chubby boy cheeks when he grows up. I will miss the loves from my George (yup my nickname for him). He keeps telling me he will never be too old to hug me and love me so I can only hope he will still snuggle me when he is tall and giant. He still struggles with his lungs and always will, he may not have a lot of lung strength but he makes up for it in heart and soul. He touches people with the kindness he carries with him. 

He is my boy...So happy birthday to John Thomas Henrie Aug 16...you are amazing.

Gowen Field, Marines, Tanks

Today we went to Gowen Field to hang out with our buddy Kip. There is a family day at the base apparently and we were invited. Kip and Shane are brothers in every sense of the word. Last year when Shane was having surgery Kip was there every day...EVERY DAY. It was a rough time for me. Sometimes sitting in the hospital with Shane gave me anxiety  that would be so overwhelming. Then Kip would show up and tell me to chill and take care of everything. I could go and eat and have a few minutes to myself. Kip is a Doc on the base. He is a medic. It was a joy to be there with him to day as his family. While we were there we saw my new nephew Owen (last post). It was great. In any case, the boys went wild and got to be on tanks, trucks, and whatever they wanted to see......

Below are some of the pics I got. I need to be better at picture taking but I think you can see the elation on their face. All the while they were on the tanks the boys told me about my Uncle Ron and him talking to them about the tanks he "made for England". I was surprised they remembered but they did. The boys were so excited to spend time there. 

hanging out in the big rig

  jake loved this one cause it was called the Nasty Pig

Jake peeking out of the tank

 Two men inside a tank

 girls and tanks? you bet

 feeling like the big guy on the base

caught a pic of Kip showing the boys the joys of Marine life?!

It was a busy day, first day in our new ward (another post) and visiting Kip on the base as well as visiting a friend who had some surgery. We are all a bit tired and burned but I cant tell you how much of a delight it is to hear Kip introduce Shane as his brother. I know he means it. I know how much Kip and his wife love us. It is so comforting to know that wherever we are in this cursed valley we have people who love us. I have struggled with today with all of the changes in my life but all in all, it was nice to have the distraction.

How about you? Do you have comfort in knowing how much you are loved? Do you have a mental list of those who are close to you that no matter where you are you know you can call them? I have some, hell i have a list. So no matter how alone I have felt in this last few weeks I know I am loved, I am important to others....you may be reading this and if you are, you are on my list.......

A bunch of stuff compiled into one.....

I don't have any new pictures yet of the new house. There is far too much happening, far too much....

 

Shane and I needed some time alone before we moved. We went to our regular date area and walked around and he took a picture with me. It was a nice walk. Often we go for a walk in some of the parks around in Boise. Its nice to have time to just talk, well he is a talker, he talks a lot. I am not a huge talker. It often takes him a bit to find out what I am thinking. Takes me a bit to formulate and get out what I want to say but it all works out.

 

This is John when he got home from Scout camp. Jake thought it would be fun to put another mattress on top of him to see if he would wake up. Well he didn't...he was so exhausted but had a great time. He loved being Tyson Harlins "son" for the week. It made him so happy. I haven't seen him this exhausted in a long time. I think Tyson can be his dad when ever he needs another boy at his house. Tyson has 4 boys already so adding another would be great right???

 

This is my wonderful niece Julia and her husband Owen. They got sealed on Aug 2nd it was so nice to be with them and see how much they love each other. Julia and Owen got married at the courthouse a year ago, they worked together to get to the temple this year. It has been a wonderful year for them. I have been in awe of Julia since she was at my wedding as a little girl. She is a very beautiful woman who has grown into her own and become strong and wonderful. Her husband is amazing and so protective of her. It is a delight to see the love they have for each other.

This little guy is my nephew Thomas' boy Jaden. I put him here because he is delicious and my nephew and his beautiful wife Barbara have made such a wonderful boy. Watching him last Saturday made me realize how wonderful little ones are. Barbara and Thomas have made an amazing family, I am excited to see the next installment of their family.

As a side note I have found that life is a never ending ride that just seems to always moves to some drum that I don't know about. I have been thinking lately about joy and what it means. I have found lately that I don't want negative people in my life. I have to limit my time with those who suck me dry. I am tired and get grumpy when I have constantly deflect the anger and ignorance of others. Life is a bunch of hard choices and unfortunately the hard choices suck but I hang with a pretty cool guy who supports me and is with me when I have to make the hard choices. He makes my life happy and I am glad of it. I look at Jaden and know that we made some cool kids as well. I have to protect them from the ignorance but at the same time teach them how to protect themselves.

Enough of that....find joy and get rid of the crap in your life...no need to keep junk around....live life and enjoy it.....