Work, Choir, Rose, Fire

Just a few thoughts and ramblings from me this week. I have been thinking a lot about how much i do not know at my work and how much i have learned in the past 3 weeks. I am amazed at how far i have come. The woman who was here before me really struggled and i came into about 4 stacks of paper at least 3 inches thick or more...it was a ton of work i didnt know how to do and i have slowly but surely come to figure most of it out. I am down to 2 small folders those folders are the 2 last things i really need to master. I will soon enough. I really am enjoying what i am doing. It is a challenge everyday to go in and figure out what is going on. I have found the blessing of working with others again. Its nice to have someone work with me and show me the way and know when to step back and let me figure it out. My trainer is one amazing woman. I have been observing her and she looks to be a survivor of many things. I pull from her strength instead of giving everything i have to nothing. I feel like it goes both ways as well. She has been very verbal about what a good job i am doing and how proud she is of me. I am somewhat taken back by that, i am not a very verbal person in that regard but it is encouraging. She is one amazing woman. I have grown very fond of her. It is a pleasure everyday to see her. 

On to other things. Miss Laura had a concert his week and it was one of her last ones. It was a Pops concert so she got to wear "grunge" stuff and butcher a Green Day song...I mean they did a great job but really Green Day isnt a ballad. Whatever man, they did a great job. I got a new phone a few weeks back and it has a pretty sharp camera so i could get a pretty good photo of her from in the back. Laura is 4th from the left....

This is her whole choir. She is a pretty great singer. i am glad she did choir this year. I think she really enjoyed it. 

Speaking of Laura i am always astounded by how beautiful her hair is. The sun was out for a bit yesterday but then overcast as well and her hair just had a glow. This photo does not even show how lovely it is. She isnt keen on me always talking about her hair but I am the mom...i do what i want!

I have this random rose bush in my back yard. It has yellow roses and it is lovely. I noticed it about a month ago and then it bloomed. This photo doesnt do it justice but i wasnt feeling well so i didnt get up to take the photo. I was a bit way from it. I cant wait to see how much it grows over the next few years. 

We have a bit of a fire pit in the back yard. Its something i have always wanted and we have one. It is in a pretty central spot so its nice to sit by it and burn stuff that doesnt need to be in the trash. Sometime I am going to get out my camp chair and sit out there. I suppose there will be more summer nights when we can do this.

I tried a new dessert last night its a white cake made from scratch with chocolate chips and marshmallows on top. The cake i made was only enough for a 9x9 pan so i thought it would be cool to stretch it out in a 13x9 have a thin cake with the toppings. Makayla went up to the store and got some ice cream and we just sat by the fire eating. It was nice. I have to say i knew i wasnt feeling well at all but it was nice to be out there. 

I spent all night coughing, uncomfortable, fevered, snotty and just plain miserable. Woke up today feeling the same way. I really do not like boogers especially when they are colorful. I suppose staying home from church sleeping and taking a very hot shower was very helpful, but I will have to trudge through this week as well. I am hoping it is not going to get worse. 

On sundays Makayla connects her phone to the blue tooth speaker and we listen to Pandora most of the day. The channel of choice is usually Mormon Tabernacle Choir. This one ends up playing a lot of different music from Mo Tab to mens choirs and sometimes religious bluegrass. Kind of keeps things a bit calmer then it would be if we had other channels on. Shane doesnt like the "noise" but it really helps. We dont watch TV on Sunday and Shane usually is gone most of the day so we just chill, bake, sleep, read...the kids play. Whatever, its nice to have them home...except for a strange reason it always feels like i am missing someone....but i know she is in good hands. I guess this is what people mean when they say you will miss them when they are gone? I dont miss her per se...I just hope she is well and happy.... 

Shopping, Science, Work

Saturdays are nice when there is nothing to do. But more often then not, there is something to do...more than one somethings. I dont want there to be anything to do.....Today i had to go out shopping to buy some new clothes. I finally FINALLY got some new bras...those things are spendy. I found one that was a bit different than what i usually buy, and i was surprised i liked it. So i bought a usual one and a new one. It was a bit cheaper as well. I also found a couple of shirts and 2 pair of dress pants.

I went with my girl Laura. Makayla was busy and who wants to take boys with them???

I also took her out earlier to teach her how to drive a standard. Most our cars are standards. I have to teach the kids how to drive them as Shane is not a fan. Needless to say it takes a bit to teach her. She gets flustered easily when she really shouldnt. She will get it soon enough, Not sure how long my clutch will like it but it will work out.

This is John and his buddy Alex. They seem to get on very well. We were at the school cause John had a science project to present. The kids in his class all had the same project and had to present it. He did a great job. He is not a fan of doing things that require the tediousness of doing this kind of thing. But he did a great job. He is a quick boy. He really is super smart and these kinds of things bore him. He did great. We had to be there so that he could get a good grade. He did.

Our dog Jill really likes the backyard. Except for the damned squirrels. They will sit on the fence and behind the transformer and chitter at her. Drives her crazy. Sometimes she gets really mad and hits the fence. It is funny sometimes, only sometimes.

On another note I love the job i have. I didnt realize the feeling of accomplishment could actually be there at the end of a week. The person before me left a lot of work. She really struggled to understand everything and make it work but it just wasnt there for her. It has taken me 2 weeks to get through the piles of work she has left behind. I think it would have been more frustrated, bur in reality i loved the challenge of getting through it. I have a great trainer. Her name is Debra. She is so kind and understanding. I am glad to have someone like her to work with. She has taken the time to help me out when i needed it. She is so learned in everything, I can only hope to be as smart as she is. It will take some time but it will come. 

It is nice to work in a place where i dont have a lot of worries. It is a wonderful place to be. I like the challenge and the friendship. I hope you have something like that in your life, whether you are working or not. Surround yourself with challenges, love and friendship. Makes life easier. 

Skyler and Brenda Rigby

My girl got married!!! She was so beautiful. Skyler was just so handsome. It was a wonderful weekend.

I am hoping to have more photos soon. Some of the ones I have seen so far are absolutely wonderful. They had a wonderful wedding It was nice to have so many people come and see them. 

here is one with my parents

Sarah is helping Brenda walk by the temple. 

jake dancing with his sister

My sweet friend Melissa with Brenda. Melissa was the one Brenda went to at her lowest and then came to us. I love Melissa. She is a wonderful woman who is strong, kind, self assured, everything i want to be. I love you Milz!!!

Jake was in a lot of photos, he was the first to have a photo with the newlyweds.He has had a really hard time with Brenda leaving but has grown to love Skyler so much. Jake really looks up to Skyler and that makes a mother happy. 

This guy, in the middle, is Jake Wells. Jake and Skyler were friends and Brenda joined their circle of friends. Jake is the reason my girl found her hubby. Jake is a great guy, he has some great friends. I am so happy he could be there for them. 

Our sweet friends Rachelle and Mari took photos of the wedding and are working on them. The ones i have seen are stunning. There were a few hiccups along the weekend, but they were overlooked and we just had a very god time. There were 2 moments i will always remember. 

The first one is when Brenda came out of the dressing room and was getting ready to go meet Skyler after they had been sealed.They wanted a private moment together, I came around the corner to make sure Skyler was ready, when Brenda walked around the corner his face lit up. He told her how beautiful she was. So standing there in the hall way in the temple they hugged each other and enjoyed a moment of sweet peace. I took their bags and walked away. The sweet matron let them have the time together. It was a precious moment. I hope they remember it. 

The other moment has to do with this photo

Brenda wanted to do a dance with her daddy. She used the song My Little Girl by Tim McGraw. It is very unusual for Shane to get really emotional but dancing with his girl brought him to tears. It was very touching. She is a great daughter. 

Just last night I realized that she isnt my girl anymore. She is Skylers. It is a tough pill to swallow but I trust him with my girl. I hope they have a great life. It will be full of ups and downs I am sure. They have a journey that will be tough, joyous, happy, sad...everything, It will be great. I hope to have more photos soon....

Tree, Train, Eagle, 21

I lay in bed at night and look out my window at the tree in the back yard. Lots of times its just to contemplate the day. Often i am listening to Shane sleep or the kids settle down, i realize that my personal issues are something i have to work hard at everyday. As it gets dark and the tree stands out against the dimming light, my thoughts turn to a time when i wasted parts of my life being stupid. Well not stupid per say but mostly ignorant. I have always had a set mind and a mouth to follow, but over the past few years i have decided its not worth it. I keep a lot of things to myself. Dont get me wrong i talk to Shane, although its tough for him sometimes to get things out of me. But I really make a concerted effort to tell him when i am feeling anxious or depressed. Usually he can tell in my voice. He is really great at that. I am so grateful that he can find those moments in me, because often i cannot find them for myself and I have to be reminded. One of the many reasons i love him is because he loves me as i am, crazy and all.

Speaking of laying in bed at night, there is another noise i hear a lot and i have grown to love the noise. I will be sad when it gets too hot to have the window open. We have trains that go by in Caldwell all the time. Granted I am quite a few blocks away but i love the sound of the train horn. I love the fact that somewhere there is an engineer moving down the track and enjoying the night time air like i am. 

I was driving home the other day and ended up at the train tracks, So I thought hey here is the train. I love listening to the train at night. Makes me really think about how life can pass us by with out paying attention. Just pondering the life of mine and wondering what i let go by. What did i let go through my fingers?

Surprisingly I made it through this year with very little sorrow about this guy. Malcolm is...well alive and well in my son Jake. Jake has the dry humor and fun stuff of my brother. I am so glad. It is nice to have him around. Each one of my children have something of my siblings, I love it. 

My boys are hard working scouts. John is working on his Eagle Scout project right now. He is doing indexing. If you wonder what that is go look at FamilySearch.org and you can learn more about it. He is counting hours and names. If you are a history buff and want to help out the world with family history take a peek. John is doing great. Jake wants to be Eagle by 13 and John by 14. They are determined. 

At this court of honor the boys got something like 20 merit badges together. They worked their butts off working on the badges. they have learned so much and are really discovering what they want to do in the future. Both boys want to serve a mission for the church but that is a few years away. Things change in that time. I hope they make great decisions for them. They are pretty dang awesome.

For being the mom of awesomness i get pins....lots of pins...its nice. I keep them in a drawer cause if I wore them all the time that would just be weird. 

As we come to the wedding of my girl i thought i would be more emotional, alas i am not. Calm has come over me. Now my children are another story, there is a lot of teasing about Brenda and Skyler being alone and being in their new apartment. But in reality the kids are super close and it is more difficult than they think. I suppose my kids use humor and teasing to cover the sadness they feel about Brenda leaving. I have to say Skyler has been absolutely wonderful about including the boys and encouraging the girls. I am so grateful for him. I know he is still nervous around Shane but he will come out of that. Shane is very wary because Brenda is his girl, letting her go is hard for him. 

21 years is a long time, and this week is the anniversary of our wedding. I am grateful that Heavenly Father saw through my crap and gave me a great man. I am glad he still likes me too, even when i am snarky and crappy. Overall we are pretty cool for each other and I like that. 

King size beds, morning, Temple

At my new job there is autonomy to do whatever i can get done. It is a great feeling to come into work and not feel the pressure. I am actually enjoying my time. I am right now sitting at my desk on lunch and wanting to get the crazy out of my head.

My sweet friends are a few desks away and are coming by to check on me. I am so grateful for them giving my name a go to the boss! My heart is full of appreciation for them. I love the fact that they have faith in me. It is a nice thing, one believing in you. As i have stated before my anxiety can take a hold and then depression takes over so its nice to have people around to encourage when they are not aware that is happening. I am grateful for them. This office calm and I enjoy that. I know its my first full week here but its a nice atmosphere.

I think this time around i am really grateful for my kids. For the last month i have been getting the kids up at 6am to read scriptures. They all have a day they have to do it and have prayer. I dont care what they read or what they want to talk about but they have to be awake and responsive. This usually ends up in farting contests between my boys and then the girls join in. Brenda has been on her own so she is not involved as much anymore and that is ok. This time in the morning has been pretty great for us. It starts our day out and helps us all connect together. They can tell me concerns in my big bed. I think that is my favorite part. I now have a huge king size bed and they all climb in and hang out with me for about 10-15 mins. I love it. They are big but they are all there. The dog comes and joins (on the floor no dogs on my bed). I have found that the connection made between them is a bit stronger every morning. Granted some mornings are harder than they really should be but it makes for a nice start to the day.

Brenda went for her endowments the other day. It was really great to have her be with me in the temple. I never thought that would actually happen. Looking across the room and seeing Shane there with Skyler made everything that much better. My sweet friend Melissa was there as well. What a great feeling to just have it small and close. I felt like I have done something right, I feel accomplished in what i had set out to do for her. I sort of feel like i can finally let her go. Let her be with Skyler and start the life they want together. Skyler is great. He has really meshed with the family well. The boys really like him. I am happy about that. I find that he has a way with Brenda that is so calming and effective. I am blessed really.

 This last week is tough there is a lot going on, but there is a sense of peace abounding in my life. Dont get me wrong I am exhausted, i want to sleep, but the place i am is peaceful and calm.