Creativity, Working hands, Marriage

I tell people i am not creative. My best creative adventure was having my kiddos. My body did all of that work I just had to "bake" them. Of course when i got to John and Jakob it was a bit harder. Eventually they came on out and were perfect. Sometimes i like to do hair. I know i put up photos every once in a while well i messed with Brendas hair the other day and it turned out pretty nice.

She was going on a date that night with a nice man whom she has met and they have been hanging out for a while. I am not sure that i have permission to post much about him and her so i will refrain. But on her date she wore these shoes which are fabulous

this is her in the end. I have photos of the young man as well but i need permission. Needless to say we all like him very much. He is very kind and takes time to work with Brenda. She has grown so much in the past year and a half. She has found new things about herself, grown into a steady and strong woman. Sure she has trials but she is finding ways to work through them. She has surrounded herself with people who give her strength and have the qualities which help her grow. She depends on those people to support her and they in turn support her without waiver. I think this young man has given her a new perspective on life she did not have and has given her power to become...just become. 

In other news, Jakob is turning into a man at the age of 11. I was holding his hand at church a few weeks ago and felt all of the callouses on his hands. I got a bit teary eyed to realize how grown up he is becoming. For most of the winter he has been splitting wood. Usually that is Shanes job but he wanted to take over this winter so dad wouldnt have so much work to do. I am amazed by him. He is a kind and compassionate child. Often he thinks of others first, way before himself. Sometimes that is a determent. He is a great kid. I cant wait to see what he will be like when he grows up. 

There is a nurse at work who is very kind. Most of the nurses work from home. Over the weekend of Valentines day i came into work and this sweet nurse had put this on my desk. 

Happily it was full of chocolate. She put one on every intakes desk on our team. It was so kind of her. She also left a card that said how grateful she was for me. She also lynced me and told me that she made sure I knew the box that said i love you was for me. She is kind of a kindred spirit for me at work. I enjoy her. Again another way that I am being looked out for, its nice. 

I found this quote the other day. I was really feeling like marriage is really hard. I was feeling like working with a spouse is tough. Not that i wanted to give up but it was nice to have something that really quoted how i felt about it. It really is a leap of faith, hoping for e

very thing to work, day by day, week by week. Sometimes you think who is this person?? how did i end up here?? and then you realize they feel the same bout you. So you take the next step together and stay on the same track. Come hell or high water, which through our marriage it has mostly been hell and high water. Somehow we make it, somehow we keep going. So you just trust, just take the next step and move onward. 

How about you? How do you take the next step? What is the secret to longevity? Trust and jump....

Week of trials, love yourself, hubby

Blogging is a different thing.Sometimes you write things and hope nobody reads it. Then sometimes you hope everyone reads it. I write for my kids but also for me just getting the noise out of my head. I have found writing and talking to a few friends who read this that getting the noise out of my head is the most important thing for me.

This week has been most difficult for me. My shift this week was 6am to 3pm. That shift is tiring. On top of that my lead was out at a class most of the week. My friend was moving on to another job, I was helping to train a new person...all of this tired. Before i say anything and it comes out like I am a big baby or better yet a bitch, let me just say everyone is different. Being a lead over a team is hard work. You are different then them, you dont understand all they go through.

It certainly felt like to me that it started Monday morning, a picking at me and what i was doing. Every move i made, face i made, word i said was under the microscope. Again this may have been just me, but it was maddening. Absolutely maddening...I felt under the gun. By Thursday, I was done. It was frustrating. The team had a bit of a melt down that day. It was a frustrating day. I was going under, quickly. I had to take a few moments and realize that I am ok. I am doing the best I can. I was listening to an inspirational talk on the way to work and realized that I had forgotten what I learned. I learned in that talk that motherhood is the greatest gift to give. In that desperate moment i realized what i am doing at work is for my children. I went through everything literally everything to birth these kids. These kids who are in my house and love me no matter what i look like, how much i cry, or laugh. Or how much their dad paws at me (because he loves me).

Now its Saturday and today i am tired but have a girl who is turning 20 (I have a 20 year old???) So i am baking and going to the store to get her something nice. She has worked so hard to be who she is. She is still working hard. Life is a tough thing...a really hard thing.

Working through and walking through this life sometimes is really hard. But we have to be reminded to look to the positive. Sometimes for a person like me is really REALLY hard. I have to remind myself constantly almost minute by minute that i AM doing well. I AM working hard. I AM a good mother. Its hard. I understand those women who struggle with emotional issues. I get the need to have support. I am grateful for those who support me.

Last night was my companies yearly party. Shane stayed home and i went with my friend. I got to really let myself be. I got to say what i needed to say and have her give me good feed back. I also got a fantastic reminder that there are people there who care for me. I was hugged by a friend who said remember yourself and i am always here. She calls me sis almost all the time and I love that. She is a great support to me. We dont see each other face to face all of the time but she is always loving and kind over Facebook and the office lync system. I love you sis...you know who you are.

My team constantly reminds me of my goodness. Its a struggle and I try to make it so they dont see it. Some days I am really good at hiding....but those who take care of me...thank you

My husband is the best overall. He loves me and is most wonderful. I love him.....