Week of trials, love yourself, hubby

Blogging is a different thing.Sometimes you write things and hope nobody reads it. Then sometimes you hope everyone reads it. I write for my kids but also for me just getting the noise out of my head. I have found writing and talking to a few friends who read this that getting the noise out of my head is the most important thing for me.

This week has been most difficult for me. My shift this week was 6am to 3pm. That shift is tiring. On top of that my lead was out at a class most of the week. My friend was moving on to another job, I was helping to train a new person...all of this tired. Before i say anything and it comes out like I am a big baby or better yet a bitch, let me just say everyone is different. Being a lead over a team is hard work. You are different then them, you dont understand all they go through.

It certainly felt like to me that it started Monday morning, a picking at me and what i was doing. Every move i made, face i made, word i said was under the microscope. Again this may have been just me, but it was maddening. Absolutely maddening...I felt under the gun. By Thursday, I was done. It was frustrating. The team had a bit of a melt down that day. It was a frustrating day. I was going under, quickly. I had to take a few moments and realize that I am ok. I am doing the best I can. I was listening to an inspirational talk on the way to work and realized that I had forgotten what I learned. I learned in that talk that motherhood is the greatest gift to give. In that desperate moment i realized what i am doing at work is for my children. I went through everything literally everything to birth these kids. These kids who are in my house and love me no matter what i look like, how much i cry, or laugh. Or how much their dad paws at me (because he loves me).

Now its Saturday and today i am tired but have a girl who is turning 20 (I have a 20 year old???) So i am baking and going to the store to get her something nice. She has worked so hard to be who she is. She is still working hard. Life is a tough thing...a really hard thing.

Working through and walking through this life sometimes is really hard. But we have to be reminded to look to the positive. Sometimes for a person like me is really REALLY hard. I have to remind myself constantly almost minute by minute that i AM doing well. I AM working hard. I AM a good mother. Its hard. I understand those women who struggle with emotional issues. I get the need to have support. I am grateful for those who support me.

Last night was my companies yearly party. Shane stayed home and i went with my friend. I got to really let myself be. I got to say what i needed to say and have her give me good feed back. I also got a fantastic reminder that there are people there who care for me. I was hugged by a friend who said remember yourself and i am always here. She calls me sis almost all the time and I love that. She is a great support to me. We dont see each other face to face all of the time but she is always loving and kind over Facebook and the office lync system. I love you sis...you know who you are.

My team constantly reminds me of my goodness. Its a struggle and I try to make it so they dont see it. Some days I am really good at hiding....but those who take care of me...thank you

My husband is the best overall. He loves me and is most wonderful. I love him.....