Makayla is what she is...when she was born she was so full of junk. I mean i suppose all babies are full of crap and junk, but she was really full....They sucked junk out of her for a long time. She cried and cried...which in turn made me cry and cry and cry. I seriously thought I had created a terrible baby. I had a very very uncomfortable pregnancy with her. It was hard. I struggled to be positive myself. I was not happy being pregnant. I gained a lot of weight, my husband worked long hours, i was in a small apartment all day with a 2 year old, I didnt have many outlets. I was not in the best of places to really have a baby or in any place at all to be raising children.
When it came down to birthing that child, i wasnt sure if i wanted too. I know that sounds silly, but i just didnt want to bring her home. I was done. On the night she was born, a late November cold evening, i just wanted it to be over. I was in a room in the old Bridgton Hospital. It was a small hospital with only a couple of rooms for a maternity wing. I was at the back of the hospital and it was late, about 9:15 at night i was pushing, pushing hard and in between contractions i looked out the window and a soft snow was falling. Large beautiful snowflakes, music was on softly in the air, I looked up and my husband was beside me. It was a glorious moment.Then within a few moments she was out and crying. The silence of that moment was gone for 2 years.
Makayla Jayne was sick from day one. She didnt nurse well, she was never comfortable in her skin. I would wrap her up, i would rock her, i would sing to her, i would do anything i could to try and sooth her. Only 3 things worked for her: 1. Her Nana would come home and take her from me (often while i was crying) and walk around holding her) 2. Her swing, she would be in it for hours and hours. It was a wind up swing that i would wind every 20 mins (it was maddening) 3. The minute her dad would come in the door he would take her from me (again with me in tears) she would miraculously STOP crying. This was the most maddening thing for me. She would scream all day long and as soon as Shane walked through the door it would STOP. He would get her back to sleep and finally i could have some time to cry or take a shower, but mostly cry. There were times when i had to have Shane come home so i didnt hurt that baby.
She had ear infections upon ear infections, she had colds, she never grew (always a toothpick), gain weight/loose weight...anything you can think of she had it. When she hit 2 i realized she was deaf, she couldnt hear very well if at all. By 3 I had begged and begged for tubes. Finally FINALLY i talked the ENT into doing it, Her ears drained for days and DAYS. (I wish i had private insurance at that time, dealing with State insurance sucks SUCKS) Makayla had to go through speech therapy and cognitive therapy. Because of all of the issues we found that she most likely had/has ADHD. I chose to never get her on medication and chose therapy for her starting at a young age so she could learn to function and control herself. It was a lot of work at home and a ton of trips for me to different therapists and appointments.
As she went further along in school she was told she wasnt smart and never would be (by a tenured teacher, whom by the way will never forget the day she met my husband). She was on IEPs for a while all through Elementary School but then we moved to Idaho and Middle school came and she found a program that pushed her to succeed. She had that program for 2 or 3 years and all of a sudden this girl became an amazing learner. She has grown out of that mess as a child, overcome the battles of hearing loss (of which she still has), of learning deficiencies and now has some other medical things which sometimes hold her back. She now struggles with chronic headaches, girl issues and back and hip issues from being a short person (ok that last part was a joke) But we have someone who is helping with that.
My girl is becoming an amazing glorious wonderful young woman, who is essentially 18 years old. An age i honestly thought she wouldnt make it too. She still struggles, her grades are amazing and making it through her senior year is tough for her. But she is going to make it....she is going to find a life that is going to amazing things for others. I cannot tell you how much joy she brings to our family. She makes everyone smile, she loves to laugh with you, and can laugh at herself. She loves with a ferociousness that i have never seen, has devotion to her family that is unbelievable. If you dont know her you should get to know her....just look past the resting bitch face (she cant help it...she gets it from her mom......)
during the speech therapy
when she would scream
sweet baby about 8-10 months old
with Brenda 3 about 6 months old
Top left Spring 2015 Top right winter 2016 Bottom Fall 2016
1 comment:
I love her.
Post a Comment