Shane cuts trees, most people know that, most of the time I dont mind him going to cut trees down. Sometimes i get pretty upset when he has to go and cut trees, often times the trees are in a crappy place and a hard cut. I do not usually go, but this time i did. The boys have so much fun and they have their own chainsaws. It makes for a fun time for them. John and Jake saw this log and wanted a photo, they were so enamored by the pattern of the wood. It is a complicated piece of wood and looks like 5 small trees grew into one. They said something like look how strong these are all together, like our family. It was nice to hear. Love those darn boys...even if they are smelly and make me crazy.
I think when i struggle my kids notice. Well that is stupid, i know they notice. They are great kiddos. Sometimes they notice more than i wish. Since Brenda doesnt live here she doesnt see as much either and that is one less stress on me. My children are great at seeing when i need some good words. This note was in my lunch box a bit ago. It made me tear up. I was so grateful for them. I dont think i am very good at telling them often enough. I am not really sure how to do that really. I work on it hard every day but its a struggle for me. I am not sure why that is, i wonder all of the time what i can do to be better. Shane is very good at it though so maybe there is a balance.
I had a friend chat with me yesterday at work about how i was doing. Do you ever think that nobody is paying attention? Well i was taken aback really by her grabbing me to chat. I was not really sure what to say to her. I think i am at a place where i dont have any clue what i am doing. I like my job, i need more of a challenge and that will come. I am sure i am just getting into a comfortable stride and that is something i have to work on. I will have to work on that. She really made me think about what i want and where i am. We do not speak often but when we do she does make me think and I am grateful for that. Its never good to wander around not knowing what you want to do i suppose. So what plans can i make? What steps do i take? all things to ponder on and figure out. I suppose she will catch me again and make me figure it out. I am grateful for her though, grateful that she thought enough to chat with me.
I have a place on my wall that has a couple of plates. One is of the State of Maine (bottom right) and the one in the top left is a patriotic one i really enjoy. While i was in England/Scotland i thought i should add 2 more so i can always remember where i have been. I wanted to have a reminder everyday of my family, my mother. It is a joy to see when i leave for work every day.
My Scotland one
My England one
They are not the best photos but they suffice.
Makayla turned 18 and decided she was done with Young Womens. I dont blame her. Really i was done at 18 as well. So here we are sitting in Relief Society waiting for the lesson to begin. I cannot believe she is 18, oh and this is kind of a good photo of us...ok of me...there are not many of which i like but his one i really like.....i dont look too bad do I?
Imagine Lauras hair 6 inches longer...we cut it off with the blessing of her father. He gets quite upset when she cuts her hair but it was very long and unmanageable.
The pile on the floor is enough for another person to have a wig or a whole head of hair. That girl has so much hair its really quite unbelievable. He hair is glorious. She wants to put some color in underneath but so far its a no go. Getting it past dad is going to be a trial. I know it sounds ridiculous cause Brenda and Makayla dye their hair, but hers is so gorgeous and frankly Shane has a soft spot for Laura, i think he does for all the girls but for her...well he is pretty tender.
So the moral of this blog is what??? i am stuck, maybe that is why i write this? I never thought that writing would be so good for me. I am glad i write as it seems to clear my head, it makes me look at things with clarity i cant see otherwise. Mostly because my head is always running like a computer. There are always tabs open and i have to stop, close tabs and make sense of the pages that are open. I suppose that is a blessing as not many others are like that. It is a gift to be smart and understand many things. Not saying i am super duper smart but i am quite smart. (boy that sounds snotty) I am grateful to have been given that kind of intelligence. My sisters are way smarter and my brothers...but i am glad to have some smarts.
I suppose its something i will keep working on...what did you do when you were faced with this kind of challenge? Would you leap? find the right thing and Leap? I am thinking that may be coming.....
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