Bed, Tents, Kid Trials

Sometimes i come home and there are random surprises at my house. Sometimes when i have had a particularly rough time Shane does something that takes my breath away. I am not good at showing those kinds of feelings, especially when i am surprised. I came home the other day after my shots and i was feeling crappy to this

That my friends is a King sized bed. I am so happy. 2 years ago i had one and I loved it the kids climb on and just hang out when we are doing scriptures or whatever. I really loved it. Then we had to leave the bed in the house where all of the mold was. That was so sad for me. We had found another bed on Craigs List and it has served it purpose but it was too soft....WAY too SOFT...

We have slept on this bed for 2 nights and my back is screaming but its probably because it has been on a soft bed for so long...This bed is firm and really nice. I am glad really glad. Now have to get some sheets for it. 

In other news today and yesterday was General Conference in other words 2 days of nothing but TV and blankets. It was nice, really nice to have some good enlightenment in the house. It was more fun to have the kids want to write down what they are learning. I am grateful they are learning and loving to hear from our leaders. Whether they stay in the church or not, I am glad they are learning good habits of notations and study. 

They were pretty tired today. The boys slept in this tent last night 

Jake has been trying to work on his merit badges for scouts. He and John are doing a great job. John is going to be an Eagle by the end of the year or hopefully by his birthday. Jake by next year. It makes me sad that they work so hard but yet are made fun of because they work so hard. 

There has been quite a bit of bullying going on with our kids. Its something we have kept in our home and are working on as parents with our children. Our girls have created good goals for their lives and are achieving them, other girls are really mean. You would think there would be some solace somewhere, that somewhere is home. I am sad that i cannot protect them all of the time. I think the more open we as parents are the stronger they are at being able to defend themselves. I try to tell them all of the time they are more than what they go through. Life is full of trials, full of people who dont like you, full of general sucky-ness that we all have to deal with. But they can overcome the hardness of others. Afflictions are hard, never fair and never just what was supposed to happen. We will keep working on it. I love my kids, they are pretty great. Each one is growing and becoming wonderful. I am so grateful for the ones who do guide and lead my children. I am grateful they have each other to hold on too...that makes my heart full.

Easter, Messiah

Sometimes i sit in church and try really really hard to feel. Sometimes it happens sometimes not. It is a hard thing to feel. I have found in my life wonderful friends who have taught me the depth of feeling.

I depend on the Lord a lot to guide me through life. I am always working on my closeness with Him. It is a hard task. I find myself lost often when i should really be focusing on me. Not sure what kind of sense that makes but most of you who know me will get it. 

Today is Easter. I have done something different this year...there is no candy in our house. Oh worry not i have not deprived them it will come tomorrow (half off you know). Mostly though i really wanted to focus on Christ. Christ should be the center of our family today.

We have a wonderful opportunity to go see a production of Handels Messiah today. I am excited. I am going with a couple of the kids. It will be the first time i have ever seen it straight through. Sometimes when i am really down i listen to the Hallelujah Chorus to bring my spirit up.

For some Easter is just another day. For me its a  symbol of rebirth. Of joy in Gods creations, of finding myself again, of focusing on the things that really matter. I know many who have no religion and still do all of the things i try to do. My sister is a prime example to me. She takes the time to run, hike, be a mother, a campaigner, a support for her community. She is someone i want to be like. I know she has had her trials and probably still does, but i am grateful for her example. 

You know all of my siblings have been examples to my children of the beauty of the world. Even though none of them go to church they have never been rude to me about our choice to raise our children that way. If anything they have encouraged my children to depend on their faith to make it through the hard times. I am so blessed to have all of my siblings in my life. My sisters, all of them, have taught my girls to be strong women, and grow to become fabulous people in the world. My brothers have taken time to show example as well. Being good fathers, brothers and people. I am truly blessed in this time of my life. 

Just need to work on the ability to express those feels.....

Old Work, New Work

I have been out of sorts for the last while. I have so many things i want to write but so often i dont write because i know i will write things which are not nice. Finally today I dont feel so...grumpy, whatever it is...

A few weeks ago I received an opportunity which would benefit my family in a great way. Ever since i graduated from college my goal was to to work within a business that would guide me to HR. I thought if i worked hard enough at my current employer i would be able to get there pretty quickly. I signed on with the hopes of moving around in the company. I am a pretty smart person, it has taken me a long time to figure that out. When i transferred to the intake position i was grateful to have more experience. I have learned so much in that position. Unfortunately, i am not sure that my worth was valued as much as it could have been. Ameriben is a great company. I just felt like i wasnt moving the way i wanted. Having an HR degree does not matter, or any degree. Before you ask I tried to move t other parts of the company but did not have the longevity desired. It is odd when longevity is not a way to get around in the company...something i was told over and over.

I am not angry at Ameriben, I am frustrated that it doesnt work for me. The worst thing about Ameriben is that I wanted to give my notice in a cordial way but instead felt like i couldnt. That was stinky. I was called into an office under the guise of "getting to know you"and then asked about a rumor that i had another job. That frustrated me and made me sad. I thought i signed up for a company that would not go on rumors.  I did give my notice in person and in writing and received nice comments back. Its ok...i am moving forward.

I will miss my team. They are some of the best ladies i have ever worked with. Not very often can i be myself and still teach others the things i know. I have had a great time helping them along their paths.I have learned how to get along with people i may not like, some i really, really enjoy and some that dont like me. I have gained a sense of reassurance in who i am of who i can become if i keep working hard. I have learned how to use my brain to work to my advantage. I am more tolerant of others, more exact in the things i do and how i do them. I am becoming....wonderful. For that i can thank Ameriben.

I got another job at another company where i will start in the billing department and be challenged. I have sat at my job for the last 3 months bored out of my head. So bored i come home exhausted from being bored. I have to say my lead is awesome and has tried to work with me to give me things to do so I am not so bored. It has been a tough road for her to have me on board. The interviews i did for this job were great and went very well. I am thrilled they were willing to see my excitement. I am grateful that i was chosen to be a part of the team. I know some of this is excitement on a new job, but some of it is the chance to be challenged and to have a change.

So my last day working at Ameriben on April 15 and start at St Alphonsus on April 18. I am grateful to people who think of me. I often am surprised that people think so much of me. Enough to throw me the opportunities. This is not the only opportunity that has been offered to me but it is the only one I have taken.

All that being said i had to have a flu shot, the first one ever in my life AND a DTaP shot. today i would really rather just lay in bed and die. It has been a Tyelnol/Ibuprofen day.  DTaP is not fun, oh and blood work to see if i have TB lounging around and see if i take any drugs (heres to hoping that I pass that one) I dont think i have ever had my immunization records so the exciting part is that i now i do. The insurance is cheaper and WAY better, and there is much more encouragement to have comfort at your desk. So that will be helpful to my back. maybe now i can get back to the gm and get working on myself. One of my goals for the year is to put more focus on me. Of course getting through a wedding first!!

My family is just as excited about the change as well. They see new life in me and that is a good thing. I am hopefully on my way to working hard and well enough so Shane doesnt have too work anymore. Or only if he wants too.

Of course he wont want too..that is why i love him....

Skyler and Brenda Engagement photos

This one is going to be photos. My girl is getting married to a pretty cool guy. I am happy for her. She is so lovely. I hope he loves her as much as her father and I do. It all seems surreal that she is getting married....still cannot believe it.

There are always the fun ones as well.......

dorks

and the little brother watching ever so closely making sure there is no funny business...

Skyler is great for Brenda, he calms her and brings a new found joy to her life. She is finding much joy in life that she has not had in a while. I am happy, just hoping that they have a wonderful marriage. 

Many thanks and great love to Rachelle, you my sweet friend are amazing, simply amazing.....

Bread of life, Bottom to Top

As I am sitting here on a Sunday afternoon thinking of my life I realize that i dont have enough time to do what I want. I want to go to the movies, I want to go shopping(surprise to those who know me), I want to have an awesome car and computer. But really i dont NEED most of that. I needed some bread yesterday so I made some

This bread came out so good, I was so proud of myself. Most of it is gone...sad super sad. I was hoping to have some for work this week to have for lunch. Never works the way I expect. I also made some soup. Laura has not been feeling well and so i thought she needed some chicken soup. We had soup and sammies for dinner. It was nice to have a low key night.

This afternoon i went with Brenda and Skyler to have our sweet friend do some engagement photos. Nothing is more strange then watching your daughter kiss the young man who is going to be her husband. It was strange to watch, although seeing Skyler look at her and calm her down and treat her the way she should be, was amazing. He is a good man who is taking great care with her. She has had such a struggle in herself for the last year or so it has been difficult to have it all make sense. As I look back over what has happened to her she has been blessed beyond all measure to have this man show up for her. It would seem he just appeared when she was almost at the bottom. This man has come into her life at a time when she needed someone the most. I am grateful...so grateful. More grateful that Skyler is willing to be in our family. He takes us as we are and has come to be a part of us. It is nice. My goal as a mother is to make sure my children feel like i love the ones they have chosen. I know what it is like to be on the other end and trying to have someone like you. It is not my place to choose their spouses, it is my place to love and encourage to better things.

I hope to have some photos soon. I told Brenda my blog is a photo blog and I have to have the photos. So I am hoping in the next week or so to have new photos. I love photos. I am grateful to know people who can capture life and its joy and loveliness.

How about you? What do you do to save the moments in your family? Blogging is so easy, you can make it private so nobody sees it or make it public. Every year you can print a nice little book with all the photos and posts and have it as a family heirloom...work on it...

Rings, Birthday, Love

With the big announcement of Brendas wedding to Mr Skyler ther is much to do but frankly i dont want to do it. So you ask what are the plans??

Shane and I have been saving some money for a while and gave them the lot and said go for it. We gave them a bit of advice and sent them on their way. They have been so frugal planning everything. Skylers sister got married a bit a go and there are some lovely centerpieces that are simple. Just right for them. Brenda has a few good ideas for what she wants at the reception. They took the time to save up for the rings. Hers is so so lovely....

She wanted something different and she got something different. It is Black Hills gold with Marcasite in the middle. She has some good taste. Watching the two of them work things out has been nice to watch. It is hard to start out marriage but they are working well together. They are both still in school and working so they are super busy. I am glad to have a new son come into our family. The boys are excited as well! They both really like him and that is great. 

In other news Laura turned 16, I cant believe she is that age already. We have worked so hard with her to have her become the person she is. It has been wonderful to watch her grow and become the young lady she is now....

I realized at this birthday its the last one where i have all my kiddos. Last time as a family together. Skyler couldnt make it this night but here are my children. One is moving on with her life and the others are growing and becoming...everyday just becoming wonderful humans. 

A week ago I was at my desk just contemplating things. I know there are big changes coming in our life. I am not going to talk about any of those changes right now but they are big. I have worked very hard for a long time to be where I am in life. I am confident and ready for the changes to come. I was explaining it to one of the nurses. She is a very kind woman who is very open to the things I am feeling and what changes may come. One day she put this on my desk, she often comes by to remind me of it. This day I was struggling, A phone call came in to my direct line. It was her, she just wanted to tell me how much she appreciates me and and the work i do. She took the time out of her day to tell me I am loved and important. It was so touching for me. Reminded me of my box on my desk, that now brings me a feeling of warmth whenever i look at it. 

What about you? do you have someone in your life who will let you know out of the blue that you are important? If you dont I am here to tell you that you are important and loved. YOU, Yes YOU are amazing in all that you work on and accomplish. I am not good at doing this in real life but I am thinking of all of those who read this blog...the ones who refer to it at work during our chats, the ones who send me emails just to check on me, the ones who text me, call me however you see me. I struggle with feelings and making them known. But know this...You are loved and important...now i have to keep reminding myself....

England, Scotland, Wedding

Over the past few months i have been planning something glorious. Some people know about it. To others this will be a surprise. My daughters and I have been given a gift of wonderful proportions. We get to go to England for a few weeks this summer. I have waited a while to say anything as the inner workings were not all set up. Now, things are underway and  it looks like the trip is a go.

I have worked out a plan with some of my family in England to travel with my 3 girls to meet my mothers family. My girls are beyond excited. The deal is they have to pay for part of the trip and their passports. A few weeks ago the passports were done and sent off to the State Department. 

As an aside....we went to get the passports and Shane had to be there for Laura as she is not 16 yet. Both parents had to be there. Now Shane is quite the redneck and does not like people much let alone anyone who works for the US Government. It was a struggle for him to be there. I dont think he notices the photo of our current president on the wall either. Probably a good thing! If you have never had a passport done you have to swear an oath of sorts to the worker. That part was not fun for Shane. He struggles with any government things. 

Well anyway, have had quite a bit of chatter back and forth with my uncle aunt and cousin to get all things figured out. We will be gone for about 2 weeks mid summer. We are super excited. I think the best part of the trip will be seeing all of my aunts and uncles. Aside from my uncle Ron and aunt Iris and cousin Heather, I have not seen any of them since i was a small child. It is going to be exciting and fun. 

I had to request the time off from work really early like in December. Brenda is working on figuring out her time off as well. Laura and Makayla have a bit of a different schedule with a bit more freedom. We have been working hard at figuring everything out. The most exciting part is the passports have finally arrived so the next step is making sure to get the tickets at a reasonable price. So to my Scotland family and all those who are wanting to meet me, Brenda, Makayla and Laura we will be in England and journey to Scotland as well to meet everyone. I am beyond excited. We have been discussing what to eat first. its going to be great.

OH also we will be bringing along a fine young man named Skyler who at the time of our journey will be Brendas husband. Yes news to everyone. Brenda is getting married on May 6th to a great guy who makes her very happy. I really dont have much to post about this right now. There are so many things to do over the next few months ok 11 weeks. The best part of all the planning is that we found THE dress yesterday. Its lovely on her. I thought I would be more emotional about it but I wasnt. Its all good. maybe when i see her go off with him I will feel different.  More news to come on that.

Life is full of changes and this year life is smoothing out. I hope it stays smooth....