Jacob

Is it weird to write more than one blog in a day? Not sure but I have a lot on my mind.

I have been thinking a lot about my siblings. As an aside, it would seem "sibling" is a Mormon word. I notice that we Mormons say it a ton. (Thanks Dorri for reminding me) I think its because we call each other brother and sister, sibling is just different.

Back to what I was thinking. This month begins the birthdays of my siblings. Jacob is first. My first memories of Jacob are of when he was a toddler and chubby. He was like a little cherub. He was happy, like he had a light in him that just shined to others. He was always happy, kind and super sweet. When mom got sick I think he took on way too much. He has a very tender, merciful, empathetic side which made him so lovable. Dont get me wrong he was still my gross little brother, annoying and disgusting most of the time.

When mom was sick she had a port thingy in her chest for medications. I seem to recall it was tubes. Jake would give her meds. He was so young like 7 years old. He would get her M&M's (her favorite) to make her feel better. After Mom was gone it was hard on him. I could see his soul go cold and sad. I think for all of us kids we were so sad. (that is a whole other story I am not sure I want to make public). Spending time with Jake and Mal after moms death actually made life a bit easier for me. They could smile and laugh but not in their eyes. It was like a piece of them was gone.

When I married Shane and I took Brenda back to Maine, I could see the light again in his eyes. It was like Jake had a reason to laugh again. A reason to stay away from the sorrow that surrounded him. He was a teen, then Shane and I moved back to Maine and my babies started arriving. Jacob was the one who would hold them and love them, tell them stories, play on the floor, or games with them. His tender heart was a joy to watch. But somewhere, somehow....something happened. (Again something I do not want to make public)

Choices were made that ended up with him having to serve time in prison. It has been a long haul. But my love for him has never diminished. We have gained a connection with him being away that I am so grateful for. I think in some way he has found some peace in his life. Hell of a way to find it but it seems that he has. Sure life will be different when he is out but I cant wait to be able to call him whenever I want. To talk to him when I am down and need some brother love. His outlook on life is different than mine and I love having his point of view.

Funny thing about him is that he knows just when to call me. I have been through a tough couple of months with a pretty severe depression going on, he would call when I was at my lowest. Why? Just to call me Mo and tell me he loves me. And to listen to me cry or ramble. Just to tell me everything is ok and that life is good. We dont get much time but it always seems to be longer than the 20 mins we have. As with all of my siblings, he is encouraging, loving, kind, understanding...everything I need to feel better.

I cannot wait until next year, Spring, when all of my brothers and sisters can be together and we can raise a glass to Malcolm, grieve, love, laugh, cry and hug each other. When we can all connect together. I can not wait to hug him and tell him how much I love him. I cant wait for him to start his life anew and get to know his nephews and nieces ( Eileens kids and my kids) and to have him love life again.

So Happy Birthday to my sweet kind and loving brother (on the 27th of March), I am grateful that you are on this earth. I love you, more than you know.